


Dust to Dust

by anthfan



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-12
Updated: 2013-09-27
Packaged: 2017-12-26 10:09:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 30,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/964720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anthfan/pseuds/anthfan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the unimaginable happens Felicity has to find a way to carry on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**A/N: As usual, this began as a trope. And then...well...just read. It’s a multi-chapter fic. Shoutouts to befitandchase and hopedreamlovepray for being the first ones who were subjected to the feels. Consider yourself warned.**

 

 

When Oliver and Digg had walked out of the lair that night there had been something in their eyes. Something she didn’t understand at the time. Oliver’s gaze lingered on her, a sadness and regret there that didn’t make sense. She’d quirked an eyebrow at him, but he’d schooled his features quickly and pulled his hood up. That was the last time she saw him alive. Two hours later he was dead. 

 

They were just supposed to be patrolling. Felicity was only half listening over the comms, using the quiet night to catch up on backups and upgrades she’d been putting off. She had her feet up in the other chair, eating from a pint of ice cream when their tones shifted. 

 

Sensing something was off she sat up and put the ice cream to the side, fingers flying as she found their location and pulled up all the available cameras in the area. 

 

She looked at the map in confusion and tapped the link in her ear, “Why are you guys in the warehouse district? I thought you were covering the other side tonight?” 

 

There wasn’t an answer immediately and she began to get worried. 

 

“Small change of plans.” Digg said, his voice low as if he was whispering. 

 

Fear surged through her. Something was wrong. 

 

“What’s going on?” she demanded

 

“Oliver got contacted by the Bratva, they wanted to meet.” 

 

“What? Now!” she screeched. The Bratva had been relatively quiet. At least she thought they had been, Oliver hadn’t mentioned them in months. 

 

“Where is he? Why isn’t he on the comm?” she clicked a few more buttons and watched, an icy fist around her stomach, as his link went dead. “Digg, what the hell is going on?” she demanded

 

“He had to go in alone. They weren’t going to let me in.” Digg’s voice was tight.

 

“He’s in there without backup? Without a weapon?” she asked incredulously

 

“It was the only way.” 

 

She fell silent. All she could do was stare at the cameras and wait for them to leave. 

 

It was a long twenty minutes when suddenly she heard Digg on the move. She sat on the edge of her seat, waiting to hear word that everything was fine. 

 

His sharp intake of breath and muttered cursing was not what she wanted to hear. 

 

Before she could ask what was wrong he was in her ear. “Felicity...it’s not good.” he said in a strained voice. 

 

A whine of panic filled her head, she’d never heard him like that before. “Wh...what do you mean?”

 

“Get the crash cart ready.” he said harshly. “I’ll be there soon.” 

 

“Crash cart!” she exclaimed, not understanding what was happening. 

 

Her feet were moving somehow. On auto pilot she moved around the med bay, pulling supplies and getting the area ready. When she was done all she could do was pace the floor around the table, wringing her hands. 

 

When the door to the basement banged open she jumped a foot and froze. 

 

Digg stumbled in with Oliver over his shoulder. He laid him on the table and Felicity gasped in shock. 

 

Oliver’s face was almost unrecognizable. There were numerous cuts and bruises. The skin around his eyebrow was split, as well as his lip, and his nose looked like it could be broken. 

 

Digg tore his shirt in two and she was propelled forward. He’d been beaten badly, but the deep knife wound in his side made her cry out. She grabbed gauze pads on autopilot and pressed them over the spot, growing dizzy when they immediately soaked through. 

 

“Digg...” she said with a quaking voice, 

 

“I know.” he bit back, his attention on getting the leads hooked to Oliver’s chest. 

 

When he flipped on the machine and it didn’t show any cardiac rhythm Felicity had to clutch the table to keep upright. “No!” she gasped out and raced to the cart, hoping it was like that first time, when the wires were just loose. But the wires were fine. 

 

She cut frightened eyes to Digg and just shook her head. His mouth was pulled in a thin line as he grabbed the paddles and adjusted the levels. 

 

Felicity jumped when Oliver’s body jerked and held her breath as she looked at the monitor, but the line was still flat. 

 

Digg turned the knobs again, and again Oliver’s body bowed as electricity was sent through it. 

 

The line was still flat. 

 

He did it twice more, each time with the same result. 

 

Horror filled her as she watched Digg step back, the paddles limp at his side. 

 

“NO!” the word was torn from her throat as she raced to Oliver’s side. She started chest compressions, unable to count out loud because her throat was too clogged with tears. She looked to Digg in desperation and then turned her attention back to Oliver. 

 

Her eyes were so watery she couldn’t see him, but she didn’t dare take her hands off his chest. This was not happening. She could not even begin to consider that this was happening. 

 

She didn’t know how long she kept pressing on him, willing his heart to resume beating. At some point she felt Digg’s hands wrap around her wrists from behind and pull her back. 

 

With a massive wrench she tore away from him and collapsed on top of Oliver. She couldn’t breathe. Sobs choked her as she buried herself in his neck. Her hands grabbed his face and she screamed at him to wake up. She screamed it over and over again, but he didn’t listen. 

 

Digg caught her hands in his, turning her away. She fought him. She fought him as hard as she could, her fists pummeled his front until her knees buckled and he caught her. He just held her as she broke. 

 

She cried so hard she was sick, and then she cried so hard she blacked out. 

 

When she woke up she was on the couch in the lair. At first she didn’t remember. She’d fallen asleep on the couch after a long night more than once. When her throbbing head and her sandpapery eyes made themselves known she remembered. 

 

With a gasping sob she sat upright, throwing the blanket off her legs. Her eyes cut to the medical table in hopes that everything was just a horrible horrible nightmare. She staggered to her feet and somehow made it to the table. When she was a few steps away she could already see she hadn’t dreamt it. It had actually happened. 

 

The cart with the defibrillator was pushed to the side, the paddles dangling towards the ground. Detritus from where they had tried to save him littered the floor and blood had dripped off the side of the table. 

 

A horrific noise filled the space and it wasn’t until she covered her mouth with her shaking hand that she realized she had made it. With one arm wrapped around her middle she felt her knees crack on the concrete as her legs gave way. 

 

Oliver was gone. 

 

It didn’t seem real. He was the strongest person she’d ever known. He’d survived unimaginable horrors and thwarted death for five years on the island. Then he’d returned and risked his life to save the city. To be taken out by the Russian mob seemed wrong and unreal.  

 

She didn’t hear Digg come in, nor did she jump when he laid a hand on her shoulder. 

 

“Where is he?” she managed to ask through a clogged throat. 

 

“Felicity...he’s gone.” he said as gently as possible, 

 

Her head snapped up and she glared at him, “I know that! Where did you take him?” she practically snarled.

 

He sighed heavily and rubbed a hand across the back of his neck. “I made it look like a mugging gone wrong.” he said thickly.

 

She gaped at him, “You...he’s...just lying in a street somewhere?” she couldn’t even begin to comprehend. When he just nodded she felt her stomach roll and she made a desperate lunge for the trashcan. 

 

“I have friends in the M.E’s office, they’re going to make sure this is as quiet as possible but...we can’t hide it.” he said once she was sitting on the floor, weak and shaking. 

 

With jerky movements she threw herself to her feet and stumbled to her desk to grab her bag. “I have to go. I have to leave.” she said suddenly. She couldn’t be there. The lair meant Oliver, and...she couldn’t be there. 

 

“I’ll drive you.” Digg offered but she brushed him off.

 

“No. I’m fine. I’ll be fine.” she said, but after she’d dropped her keys for the third time he took them from her. 

 

“Felicity, you’re not fine.” he said softly.

 

She turned to him with a trembling lip, “How could I be fine? He’s...” she couldn’t make herself say it. 

 

Tears spilled over her cheeks and she felt him pull her into him again. This time she wrapped her arms around him, a part of her recognizing that she wasn’t the only one who had lost Oliver. 

 

She almost balked when Digg guided her towards the car he always drove Oliver in. It was the one they had taken that night. She got mutely into the back and gasped. His bow, quiver, and the top half of his costume were laying on the seat. 

 

When they’d left that night he’d gone in the outfit, but he hadn’t returned that way. He would have had to change quickly to meet the Bratva. 

 

Her fingers reached for the leather as if by their own volition. Her chest ached as she pulled it close and buried her face in the hood. It smelled like him. 

 

She curled up around the jacket and tried to let her mind go blank as Digg drove. When she got out in front of her building he noticed she had the hood, but didn’t say a word. 

 

“I’ll call you tomorrow.” he said, giving her one last hug. 

 

That first night was the worst. She didn’t sleep. She roamed from her couch to her bed. She’d left the curtains on her balcony open even though she knew it was pointless.

 

He used to come in through the balcony sometimes.

 

She carried the hood with her, her fingers nearly constantly moving over the leather. Somehow it was the only thing keeping her tethered to the earth. As long as she was touching it a part of him was there. 

 

She’d turned off her phone and didn’t go near the t.v or computer. She didn’t want to hear. She didn’t want to know what they said. 

 

In the early hours of the morning she stood on her balcony and slipped her arms into the jacket. When she pulled the hood up a waft of air hit her nose and for a split second he was behind her. 

 

The tears hit her so quickly she could barely make it to her bed before she fell apart. 

 

She woke up to sunlight that seemed cruelly bright and the hood still around her head. 

 

She laid still for hours, staring blankly. Oliver had been her life. She’d just existed before she met him. He’d given her a purpose. He’d shown her things about herself she’d been too scared to discover. He’d made her better. 

 

And she’d made him better. He had needed her, as much as she had needed him. They had been so much more together. 

 

The worst of course was that she had been desperately, and irrevocably in love with him. 

 

She’d always suspected he knew. 

 

What was she suppose to do now? 

 

She didn’t move the rest of the day. At some point Digg appeared at her side. She never questioned how he got into her apartment. 

 

The bed sunk as he sat down next to her, looking at her sadly. She couldn’t even feel self conscious about wearing the jacket. He reached out slowly and pushed the hood back, laying a hand on her head. 

 

“I’m sorry.” he said 

 

She grabbed his hand and held on. “It’s out.” he told her and she knew he meant the media had the story. Oliver would be splashed over every paper and tv station. There would be speculation over whether it was a mugging, or an overdose. His past would be drug back out and paraded as evidence for why this turn of events was not surprising. And no one would ever know what he’d done for Starling City. 

 

“I brought food. You need to eat.” 

 

She nodded, because she knew he’d want her to. 

 

He sighed and squeezed her hand. “I’ll check on you tomorrow.” 

 

“How’s Thea?” she asked suddenly, her voice rough with disuse.

 

He just shook his head. 

 

“Is Roy with her?” the girl had been through enough. 

 

“Yeah, and Walter’s flying in tonight.” 

 

“Good.” she said and pulled her hand away. 

 

He took something out of his pocket and left it on the table next to her. “Burner phone. I’m the only one with the number. Answer it.” she nodded again, tears pricking at his concern. 

 

She let her eyes fall shut, wanting to be alone again. His hand brushed over her head one more time and then he was gone. 

 

A few hours later she made it out to her kitchen and heated up whatever he’d brought. She didn’t taste it, but she was shaky and weak and knew she had to eat something. She ate as much as she could and made it as far as her couch. 

 

A shrill repeated ringing woke her from nightmares of Oliver dying in front of her over and over again. She sat up with his name on her lips and pushed damp hair out of her face. 

 

The phone Digg had left stopped by the time she got to it. A text alert came through a few minutes later. It was a reminder to eat and take a shower. She ignored him. 

 

This is how she existed for the next two days. She floated. Digg either came by or called her to make sure she still functioned on some basic level. On the third day she remembered she had a real job that she hadn’t ever called in to and she found she didn’t care. 

 

Digg came by late, three days after Oliver had died to find her in the same yoga pants and t-shirt she’d been wearing since he’d brought her home, the jacket never far from her side. 

 

He looked at her with pity. “I thought I told you to take a shower.” he said as he stepped inside to find her laying on the couch. She barely lifted her eyes as she shrugged. 

 

He crouched in front of her. “You can’t keep doing this.” 

 

She looked at him quickly, and glared. He gave her a small smile, “Well, at least I got a reaction.” 

 

He made his way into her kitchen to put away groceries. “I’m making you a hot meal. You’re going to get in the shower and put on new clothes. And if you don’t do it I’ll do it for you.” he used a tone of voice with her that she was sure he used with A.J. and she continued to pretend like he hadn’t spoken. 

 

When he stood over her looking his most imposing she saw the worry and concern he’d been trying to hide. Without a word she got up and headed for the bathroom. 

 

She hated that when she was finished she did feel a bit better. Guilt gnawed at her, and the ache in her chest flared so suddenly she was short of breath. She walked into her kitchen with wet hair and a fist clenched to her breastbone. 

 

Digg pulled a chair out for her and put a bowl in front of her with a glass of water and told her she couldn’t get up until she was done. 

 

He sat across and waited even though it took her almost an hour. 

 

When she was finished she looked at him expectantly, because she knew he had come there to tell her something. 

 

“The service is tomorrow.” 

 

He paused, expecting her to fall apart or have another breakdown, but she was numb now. 

 

“What time?” she asked in a cracked voice.

 

“Eleven.” 

 

She tried to nod. 

 

“I’ll pick you up.” he told her, his hand reaching across the table to clasp hers. 

 

“Okay,” 

 

He looked at her for a long moment and opened his mouth like he was going to say something and then cursed under his breath and stood. 

 

“It won’t always be this hard.” he told her as he passed behind her, brushing a kiss over her hair as he did. 

 

She didn’t get up as he went to exit. Just as she was expecting to hear the door shut behind him he swore vehemently and slammed it in front of him instead, his gun drawn. 

 

In his other hand he held a piece of paper and a dagger. 

 

She looked at him in confusion. 

 

He did up the lock and deadbolt and hurried to her side, hand grasping her by the upper arm as he lifted her from her seat. 

 

“Get in the bathroom.” he directed, already towing her along next to him. 

 

Fear slammed into her. 

 

“Digg...what’s going on?” she asked. 

 

He pushed the paper, dagger, and his back up handgun into her hands as he walked her backwards into the bathroom. 

 

“Stay here! Lock the door. Don’t leave this room until I come back. Do you understand.” 

 

“No.” she answered honestly, her heart thrumming wildly in her chest. “What is going on?” 

 

“Bratva,” he said seriously and left the room. 

 

She did as he said. She locked the flimsy door and sat with her back to the tub, gun held in front of her in shaking hands. 

 

Her eyes slid to the paper. With a gasp she recognized the symbol. It was the Bratva star Oliver had on his chest. There was something written in Russian, but she had no idea what it meant. 

 

By the time Digg returned she was a nervous mess. 

 

“Why are the Bratva pinning threatening notes to my door? How do they even know where I live, much less that I exist?” she demanded as she followed him back into the living room. She didn’t even notice as he took the gun from her and asked to see the note again. 

 

He hadn’t answered her and she was angry, “Digg! Does this have to do with Oliver?” 

 

“Yes.” he said, holding out the paper, “This means ‘debt paid’.” he pointed to the Russian word she hadn’t recognized. 

 

“Debt paid? What debt?” she asked in confusion.

 

He scrubbed a hand over his face and locked his eyes on her. “The Bratva knew about you. They knew you were connected to Oliver. Part of the reason he was meeting with them that night was to...” but he didn’t get a chance to finish. 

 

Horrified her hands flew to cover her mouth. 

 

“Stop!” he commanded, coming forward to grasp her arms, “This was not your fault. Oliver was killed because someone was challenging his position as Captain. Do you hear me?” 

 

“Are they still out there?” she asked, as she brushed errant tears off her cheeks. 

 

“I think you’re safe, but don’t think about going anywhere without me. Got it.” he leveled her with a hard look. 

 

“You should be with Thea tomorrow.” she protested, 

 

“Thea has her own detail. I hand picked them myself. You can consider me your bodyguard now.” he told her, and his tone let her know it wasn’t up for negotiation. 

 

By the time he left all she could do was sit on her bed, watching as the moon slowly tracked across the sky. She had put the jacket back on. His scent wasn’t as strong now. 

 

She’d never know how she managed to get herself up and function that next morning. She hadn’t slept, but luckily muscle memory was a real thing. She went through the motions. Doing her hair, putting on make up. The black dress in her closet taunted her and she put it on without looking in the mirror. 

 

Dark glasses slid over her eyes and she sat, waiting on her couch, at quarter after ten. 

 

Digg let himself in, but she was on her feet before he could fully enter. 

 

They rode to the cemetery in the same car. It wasn’t until they were halfway there that she found it odd Digg was still driving the Queen’s car. Then she was distracted by the thought that pulling up in Oliver’s car and getting out of it with his bodyguard may garner her unwanted attention. 

 

However, it was too late to change anything as Digg was already driving through heavy iron gates. 

 

The media was being kept back she was glad to see. Several limousines were pulled to the curb and Digg joined them. He had pulled in right behind the one that held Walter, Thea and Roy. 

 

Felicity watched as they emerged from the car, Thea looking as if a strong wind would knock her down, she held on to Roy’s arm like it was the only thing keeping her from flying away. Walter flanked her other side, his hand out to catch her elbow if needed.

 

Digg opened the door for her and she saw several heads turn their way. The car, and Digg were highly recognizable, but she couldn’t give a care to what anyone thought right then. She had to find someway to make it through the service like she’d lost her boss and not the love of her life. 

 

Digg hung back a few paces, and she knew this was just as hard on him. He was expected to blend into the background and be invisible. 

 

She slowly began to walk across the damp ground, her heels sinking into the earth when a man approached her. Digg was at her side almost instantly. 

 

He was tall with dark hair, and there was something familiar about him she couldn’t place although she felt like she should know him.

 

“Ms. Smoak?” he asked and she nodded,

 

He held his hand out and Digg started forward again. The man cut his eyes over him almost like he was appraising him. “I’m Bruce Wayne, I just wanted to say how very sorry I am for your loss.” 

 

Felicity’s breath stuck in her throat. Bruce Wayne, one of the richest men in the world, knew who she was and was offering her his condolences, as if he _knew_ Oliver was more than just her employer. 

 

“Oliver and I went to prep school together.” he said by way of explanation. She slid a shaking hand into his and he squeezed it tight. “Thank you.” she managed to get out. 

 

“May I escort you to a seat?” he asked courteously and offered her his arm. 

 

Other mourners were passing around them, and she could feel their eyes. Why was she there? With Oliver’s bodyguard, and Bruce Wayne treating her like a widow. Something was happening that she couldn’t explain or understand right then. 

 

That same something told her she could trust him. She felt Digg start as she slipped her hand into the crook of Bruce’s elbow. 

 

“She’ll be safe with me.” Bruce said to Digg, his choice of words caught her attention, and something passed between the two of them. She didn’t understand, but whatever it was made Digg fall back two paces. 

 

Bruce selected a row far enough back that she wouldn’t feel like people were staring at her the entire time and she was grateful. She sank into the chair with relief, she had yet to look up to where the awning was. She couldn’t look at the casket. As long as she didn’t see it, it wasn’t real. 

 

“Bruce, good of you to come.” Walter’s crisp voice said over her shoulder and she jolted. Bruce stood to shake his hand and tell Thea how sorry he was. Felicity turned to look at them and Walter recognized her. 

 

“Felicity!” he said in surprise. She got to her feet and looked at him in barely concealed fear. If he questioned why she was there, or even why she was sitting next to Bruce she didn’t know how she’d answer.

 

She wasn’t expecting him to grasp her by the elbows and lean in to press a kiss to her cheek. “I’m so sorry my dear, I know you and Oliver were close.” he whispered into her ear and she was suddenly blinking back tears. “It would be perfectly alright if you moved closer.” the meaning wasn’t lost on her, but all she could do was shake her head no at his offer. 

 

She managed to mouth a barely audible sorry to Thea and exchange a look with Roy before Walter was guiding them away. Bruce’s hand on the small of her back reminded her she was standing and she half fell into her seat. 

 

More people were filing in and still she hadn’t looked to the front. She’d kept a handle on everything until a noise to her right made her look up and she saw it. It was black with heavy brass. A spray of some sort of flowers was laid out on top and she almost gagged imagining their sweetness. 

 

Bruce slid a starched handkerchief to her. She took it without word, clenching it in her fingers as someone who had never met Oliver stepped to a microphone and began to speak. 

 

It was all too surreal. The pain in her chest grew until she felt like her heart was going to  be crushed under the weight. Bruce’s hand dropped across her back. “Breathe,” he whispered to her and she took a gasping inhale. 

 

She didn’t hear a word of what was said. When it was over she gladly took his arm again, her knees wobbly. 

 

“Do you want to go up?” he asked and gestured to the casket where people were filing past. 

 

The world seemed to tunnel down to just that casket. Her vision blurred, and white spots sparkled in front of her. She heard her name being spoken but it sounded like it was very far away. 

 

Bruce was leaning down to look in her face and she blinked rapidly, suddenly able to hear again. 

 

“Let’s go.” he said, and without giving her a choice began to lead her away. 

 

She’d gone several feet when she realized this was the closest she’d ever be to Oliver again. With a jagged sob she spun and started back only to be stopped by Digg. 

 

“No, sweetheart, you don’t want to do this.” he told her as gently as he could. Her hands landed on his chest and she looked at him with pleading eyes. 

 

“Bring him back, Digg. Please. Bring him back. I can’t do this.” she didn’t even recognize her own voice, “I can’t...”

 

There was a hand on her waist and she was surrounded by these two men, one who she trusted with her life, and one she just met but for some reason knew would never hurt her. 

 

She was being turned, and ushered back to the car and was sitting in the back seat before she could even process what had happened. 

 

Bruce crouched by the open car door and looked at her with sympathy. He handed her a small black card. “I believe we could help each other in the future. That’s my private line.” he said with a small smile. She shut her eyes tight, and when she opened them he was gone. The only evidence he’d even been there was that card and a white square of cloth with a black monogram. 

 

A dark laugh made it’s way out of her throat. Her life had turned absurd. She sat in the back of Oliver Queen’s car, with Bruce Wayne’s handkerchief in her lap. 

 

And none of it mattered. 

 

Digg got her back to her apartment. She made it through thanking him and telling him goodbye before she walked numbly into her bedroom and tugged the jacket around her without even bothering to change. 

 

The rest of the day was a blur. Part of her was telling herself that she couldn’t keep doing this. She had to start living her life again. Go to work. Talk to people. Exist. But she didn’t know how she was supposed to do that. He’d been everything and now he was gone. 

 

She fell asleep from exhaustion and woke up when it was dark. With a groan she rolled over and stared at the ceiling. She had to do this. She had to figure out how to live. 

 

It took every ounce of effort she had to force herself off the bed. She took the jacket off and hung it in her closet, taking a moment to run her hands over the material one more time before she shut the door. 

 

She showered and changed, and finally allowed herself to look in the mirror. The skin under her eyes looked tissue thin and bruised it was so dark. Her cheeks had sunken in more due to her almost non-existent eating habits and she was paler than she’d ever been. 

 

Her stomach actually grumbled and she looked down in surprise. “Alright, I’ll find something to eat.” she said and stepped into her bedroom. 

 

The curtains to the balcony were closed, which caught her attention since she’d been leaving them open. 

 

Without a thought to her safety she crossed to the balcony and pushed the curtains back open. A shaft of moonlight entered and she could see a figure sitting in the corner chair. 

 

She froze. And then gave a slightly hysterical laugh. 

 

The shadow looked like Oliver. 

 

“Great, now I’m hallucinating.” she said aloud and turned to leave the room. 

 

When a hand clasped around her wrist she tried to keep walking. She needed food. And maybe some wine. And something to help her sleep without dreaming. 

 

She took another step and the hand on her wrist was still there. The breath caught in her throat as she looked back and stifled a scream. The Oliver shaped shadow was now standing. And it still looked like Oliver. 

 

She pulled but it didn’t let go. 

 

With a shaking hand she reached back and turned on a small lamp. She blinked rapidly at the brightness and then because she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. 

 

It was Oliver. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I’m soooooo sorry for all the feels. Trust me, anything you felt while reading, I definitely felt while writing. I hope you can forgive me. And I hope this chapter is an acceptable apology.**

 

**Enjoy, and let me know what you think.**

 

 

_Previously in ‘Dust to Dust’..._

 

 

_The curtains to the balcony were closed, which caught her attention since she’d been leaving them open._

 

_Without a thought to her safety she crossed to the balcony and pushed the curtains back open. A shaft of moonlight entered and she could see a figure sitting in the corner chair._

 

_She froze. And then gave a slightly hysterical laugh._

 

_The shadow looked like Oliver._

 

_“Great, now I’m hallucinating.” she said aloud and turned to leave the room._

 

_When a hand clasped around her wrist she tried to keep walking. She needed food. And maybe some wine. And something to help her sleep without dreaming._

 

_She took another step and the hand on her wrist was still there. The breath caught in her throat as she looked back and stifled a scream. The Oliver shaped shadow was now standing. And it still looked like Oliver._

 

_She pulled but it didn’t let go._

 

_With a shaking hand she reached back and turned on a small lamp. She blinked rapidly at the brightness and then because she couldn’t believe what she was seeing._

 

_It was Oliver._

 

 

 

She let out another laugh and tried to pull away again. When the hand wouldn’t let go she began to panic. She twisted against the hold and tried to use her other hand to break free. With a frantic pull she threw herself backwards sharply and banged into her dresser, her wrist was released and she took stumbling steps away. 

 

She backed up towards the door, her head shaking no the entire time. It couldn’t be him. Oliver was dead. 

 

But this looked like him. His stubble was a bit fuller, and his eyes looked drawn with pain and guilt. There was even faint bruising around his temple and jaw, just like there would have been if he had lived. 

 

She choked on a sob and ran into the wall next to the door. 

 

“Felicity,” he said carefully. Her knees gave out as she sunk to the floor. This wasn’t fair. It shouldn’t sound like him. If she was going mad, it shouldn’t seem so real. He’d been haunting her dreams and she’d accepted that, but this was going too far. 

 

He crouched in front of her and she buried her head in her arms. “Felicity, I’m so sorry. It’s me. I didn’t mean for it to happen like this.” 

 

She kept shaking her head no, because it wasn’t possible. He wasn’t there. He wasn’t alive. He was gone. 

 

When his hands landed on her wrists she gasped from the jolt that went through her. 

 

“I’m alive.” he said, pulling her hand towards him to lay against his chest. She could feel a heartbeat, frantic, but strong and still she couldn’t believe it.

 

“Felicity, look at me.” he told her “Look at me. I’m alive.” he repeated.

 

Slowly she raised her head and met his eyes. They were as blue as she remembered, shrouded with regret right then, but still beautiful. She wanted this so badly. This is all she’d wished for. 

 

“It’s me.” he said raggedly, a hand raised to cup her cheek and she gasped, tears slipping down her cheeks. His thumb brushed them away. 

 

“No,” she moaned, “You’re dead. I watched you die. This is my mind playing tricks on me because I haven’t been sleeping.” 

 

“Felicity. I’m alive.” he said with more force, “Feel me. Touch me. Hear me. I’m alive.” 

 

She reached a hand out and traced along the side of his face, down across his cheek and over his jaw. It felt like him. Her hand fell to his shoulder and she could feel the taut muscles that lay beneath his shirt. 

 

“I’m sorry. I had to protect you. The Bratva knew about you. There was someone challenging me for Captain and they were going to take you out first. I had to make them think you weren’t a threat, that you were no longer connected to Bratva. By faking my death I can find out who the new Captain is and eliminate them.” he spoke so earnestly she wanted to believe him. 

 

“I’m sorry.” he whispered and leaned in until their foreheads touched. She started at the contact, fingers digging into his shoulder. 

 

There was something bubbling in her chest, trying to make its way north. Hope. 

 

She traced over his chest, his heart, over his jaw again and cupped his face. She pulled back far enough to see him. 

 

“Oliver...” she said with trepidation, not knowing what would happen to her if she let herself believe and it turned out to be a dream. 

 

He swallowed heavily and nodded once. 

 

“It’s you?” she asked with hesitation, because she needed this to be true. So badly. 

 

“It’s me.”

 

“You’re not dead.” her voice was broken,

 

“I’m not dead.” he confirmed, and something about the way he said it convinced her. 

 

With a ragged cry she launched herself at him. He fell back on his heels as he caught her with a slight grunt of pain.

 

His arms wrapped tight around her and it was indescribable. She sobbed with relief and happiness now. Her hands were everywhere, ensuring that what he had said was true. She captured his face in her palms and looked at him with a watery smile. “You’re really here, you’re really alive?” she asked again,

 

“Yes,” he said simply and she threw her arms around his neck, holding him tight as she sobbed happy tears into his shoulder, not caring how wet she was getting him. 

 

“I thought you were dead.” she said desperately and he held her tighter. “I thought you were dead.” the words resonated within her and suddenly she was angry. 

 

She tore herself away from him and stood on shaky legs as rage and hurt filled her. “I thought you were _dead_!” she spat out, looking down on him. 

 

Oliver climbed to his feet and took a step towards her but she held a hand out to keep him away. “No. Don’t.” she backed up more and stared at him in disbelief. 

 

“You let me think you were dead. I’ve been through hell! I haven’t eaten. I’ve barely slept. I can’t even breathe! When I try to take a deep breath it hurts, it physically hurts! I haven’t touched anything with an internal hard drive since it happened because it all just reminds me of you.” 

 

She crossed to her closet and ripped the door open, emerging with his hood jacket. The one thing that had kept her sane, that had been an anchor was now a lie. She gripped it tight and held it up to him. “I wore your damn hood, like a fool! It smelled like you, and when I wore it I didn’t feel like half my heart had been ripped out.” she threw the jacket at him where he caught it on reflex. Guilt washed across his face, but she didn’t care. She hoped he felt just a bit of the pain and torment he caused her. He opened his mouth to speak but she gave him a glare that made him stop.

 

“Do you see me?” she exclaimed, “I almost collapsed at your funeral today! If it hadn’t been for Digg and Bruce I would have.” his head jerked at Bruce’s name but she ignored it. 

 

“Your _funeral_ , Oliver! I had to go to your damn funeral. I had to pretend like I wasn’t about to fall apart. I had to pretend like you were just my boss, and nothing more. Like I hadn’t just lost the man I loved! Do you have any idea what that’s like?” 

 

His eyes flew to hers at her words and it took her a beat to realize what she’d said. Her mouth dropped open in an ‘O’ of shock. 

 

“Felicity--” he tried but she wouldn’t let him finish. She could see the emotions flashing through him and she could not deal with it. It had all gone too far. 

 

“Get out.” she whispered, she needed him gone. She needed him out of her place right then. 

 

He looked to his feet, and then back to her. “I can’t leave.” 

 

“What do you mean you can’t leave? Leave! You’re good at it! You’ve had a lot of practice.” she saw the hurt cut across his face at her words.

 

“Felicity, everyone thinks I’m dead, and the Bratva need to keep thinking I’m dead.  They know where you live. I need to keep you safe, and I need to hide out here a few more days until we can gather enough intel on the new Captain.” 

 

She looked at him like he’d grown another head. This couldn’t be happening. He was dead, and then he was alive, and he’d lied to her. He’d allowed her to go through hell and now he wanted to stay with her. 

 

Her hands were numb from all the blood rushing to her head. She shakily pointed to her bedroom door, “Then you need to get out of this room, because I think I’m about to fly apart!”

 

“Felicity...I’m sorry.” he tried again, a desperate edge to his voice and she leveled him with a glare.

 

“Don’t. I don’t know what’s worse, that you did this in the first place, or that you didn’t think it would hurt me so much.” the tears were falling faster than she could wipe them away, and she turned from him before she even saw him walk out the door. 

 

She climbed under the covers and fell asleep immediately. Her brain had reached the point where it was safer to be unconscious than to even attempt to process what had happened. 

 

She woke up around two, crying from her dream. With slow, heavy steps she made her way from her room. She had to make sure he was still there. Regardless of what he’d done to her, she had to make sure he was actually alive. 

 

Her breath caught when she walked into her living room and saw him stretched out on the couch. 

 

He was there. He was alive. 

 

Her feet took her forward until she was right next to him looking down, watching his chest rise and fall. 

 

She was still angry. God knows she was still hurt, but he was alive, and on her couch, and right then she couldn’t feel anything other than gratefulness that it was even possible. 

 

She sank to her knees and watched him. Her fingers twitched, a need to feel him, warm and alive beneath her. Ever so softly she laid them along his wrist, finding his pulse immediately. Her eyes shut tight as she felt the blood thrum strongly. 

 

Her eyes raked over him, drinking him in greedily. She never imagined this could be possible. It wasn’t even a dream because this dream wasn’t something that could happen. 

 

His face was still bruised, a cut heeling near his temple. Her gaze traveled south and she remembered the stab wound she’d tried to stop. There was a dark stain on his t-shirt and without thought she pulled the fabric up. 

 

He had a bandage over the area. So that had actually happened. She didn’t know how he’d faked his death, but it was clear he’d been in a fight. Dark, mottled bruises covered his ribs. 

 

The gauze square needed to be changed, she could see where blood had seeped through. 

 

He was still asleep when she got back with the first aid kit. She purposely focused on her task and not his face as she worked. 

 

She peeled back the tape and saw the line of stitches; Digg’s handiwork. It seemed to be healing well, but it had been deep. With a shiver she wondered how close he had come to death. 

 

She had almost finished cleaning off the dried blood when he shifted beneath her hands. She stilled for a moment and continued, resolutely not looking at him. 

 

“You don’t have to do that.” he told her, his voice low. 

 

Slowly she slid her eyes to his. “Yes, I do.” she told him, and she didn’t hide. She let him see everything. She let him see how, even though he’d broken her trust and destroyed her, she still loved him. She let him see the damage he’d wrought and that despite that she was still by his side. 

 

Her hands were shaking as she taped a new bandage in place and pulled his shirt down, trying to ignore how his muscles rippled as her knuckles brushed over his abdomen. 

 

“How’d you do it?” she asked dully

 

“Digg injected me with a drug that drops heart rate and respiration to the point where they won’t register. If you’re brought out of it in a set amount of time there aren’t any side effects.” he told her immediately. She had the feeling he’d tell her anything right then. 

 

“Where have you been?” 

 

“Digg’s, until he told me that the Bratva had been here. I wasn’t going to leave you alone.” 

 

The tears hit her unexpectedly and she gave him a choking laugh, “Weren’t going to leave me alone?” she repeated bitterly, “You already had.”

 

His head was tipped back, hands clenched at his side. “I don’t deserve you.” 

 

She gathered up the first aid kit and stood, “No, you don’t.” she replied and headed out of the room, her hand brushing across his hair as she did. 

 

She fell back into a fitful sleep and woke up gasping his name once again. Heavy hands were on her arms as she tried to shake the dream. It was oppressive loneliness that plagued her. 

 

“You’re okay. You’re awake.” he said, and she turned her head away from hearing his voice so soon after the nightmare of him being dead again. 

 

She shrugged out of his grasp and pushed herself backwards until she hit the headboard. Her hands buried themselves in her hair as she tried to get a handle on her emotions. 

 

“I’m sorry.” he said again, and her head whipped up

 

“Does that mean anything to you? How did you think I was going to react? Did you think I’d just be a little bit upset and then go about my life? Do I mean that little to you? Am I just another tool in your arsenal?” she was incredulous, the ache in her chest reappeared and she pushed her fist in to stop it. 

 

He was suddenly too close. She felt trapped and claustrophobic. 

 

She threw the covers back and scrambled out of bed, pacing on the other side, away from him. 

 

“I need to know. I need to know how you thought this was a good idea. I need to know at what point you decided that faking your _death_ was a viable option. I need to know when _keeping that from me_ also made it on the list, because NONE of this makes any sense!” 

 

He’d been silent, allowing her to rage at him. Until now. 

 

In three strides he’d eliminated the distance between them. Now she was only inches from him as he looked down at her. “I had no choice!” he growled. 

 

“I find that impossible to believe.” she countered, trying not to show how affected she was by his nearness. 

 

“Your life was in jeopardy. The Bratva were targeting _you_! They were targeting you because of me. So this plan was the only way to keep you safe. I don’t regret that choice for a second.” she’d never seen him so fierce before. His voice was hard, his face stony and she knew he believed what he said. 

 

“No, you wouldn’t regret it. Collateral damage has never been your first priority.” she scoffed. 

 

His hand flashed up and caught her wrist, pulling her in even closer. “Did you even hear me? I did this to save your life.” 

 

“What life?” she asked breathlessly, “What life do I have without you?” she said with a watery shrug. “I know you heard me last night. Cat’s out of the bag and all of that, might as well own it. I truly know I have nothing left to lose because I’ve already lost it all. I don’t know how we come back from this.” she gestured weakly between them, and a sob caught in her throat. Somehow it hurt worse now, knowing she was going to lose it all again. 

 

She tried to pull away but he wouldn’t let her.  

 

“I was not going to lose you.” his words flowed over her ear and she froze. There was a tone there she’d never heard before. Every stuttered breath he took she could feel, and the air seemed to crackle between them.

 

Ever so slowly she raised her eyes to his. She could see the fear he’d had for her, and the determination, all covered in the regret he now had for hurting her so badly. 

 

“I can’t lose you. You’re the best thing that’s happened to me. And I don’t know why you stay because I am a mean, broken, damaged shell of a person, but you make me  better. When you started working with me I thought that maybe I could do some real good. I saw a different side of the hood. That’s because of you. The thought of losing you...I just reacted. I see now that it was maybe not the best choice, but it kept you safe, and that’s all I will ever care about.” 

 

She was speechless. Never, would she have expected him to feel that way. 

 

“Oliver...” she began breathlessly. The hand on her wrist trailed upwards until it pushed a fall of hair behind her ear and threaded through to cup the back of her head. 

 

“I’m sorry I hurt you though, I never wanted that.” he said sincerely, and she finally believed him. 

 

With a great gasp of air she threw her arms around his neck and clung to him. She sobbed raggedly into his neck and he just held her.  

 

She hung on tighter until he gave a grunt of pain. She tried to pull back but he wouldn’t let her. He walked them back until he felt the bed behind his knees and sat, pulling her into his lap as he did. 

 

Felicity curled herself as small as possible, his heart directly beneath her ear as she grabbed a fistful of his shirt and held on. She had no intention of letting go. 

 

His hands stroked over her head and across her back. He’d never been this demonstrative before and a part of her had to wonder if guilt was driving him more than anything else at this point. 

 

But she’d seen a guilt ridden Oliver Queen before. That Oliver closed himself up, shut down, became cold. The man before he was doing none of those. 

 

She let out a sigh and the knot that had resided inside her for days finally lessened some. He must have felt the change. He gathered her to him and pushed backwards until they were against the pillows. He rolled her slightly and wrapped himself around her from behind. 

 

She heard two thunks as he toed off his boots and drew the covers up. 

 

“Sleep.” he whispered in her ear and she settled back against him. 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks for the fabulous reviews!! And glad everyone has, for the most part, forgiven me. :) Trust me, stick it out until the end of the story. You’ll be glad you did.**

 

**Big thanks to befitandchase for enduring my almost incessant demands to read what I wrote and tell me what she thought. And to hopedreamlovepray for working her awesomeness. We’ve got something special planned and I can’t wait until it’s ready!**

 

**Enjoy, and let me know what you think!**

 

 

When Felicity woke up four hours later she felt somewhat well rested for the first time in days. For the first time since he’d ‘died’, she reminded herself. 

 

His head was pressed into her shoulder blade. By the even in and out of his breaths he was still asleep. His words from the night before came back to her and a warmth filled her.

 

And then she remembered three days of hell. Three days of believing he was dead. And as much as she wanted to be forgiving it was just too soon. Intellectually she understood his position. She even understood his reasoning. She would never wish for any other outcome than the one she’d been given, but her trust in him and in their team had been rocked. 

 

She slipped from the bed without looking to see if he’d woken. The bathroom lights were harsh and she barely glanced at herself in the mirror. She took the time to brush her teeth and scrape her hair back into a functional ponytail before she stepped into her closet and pulled on the first real clothes, aside from her funeral dress, in days. 

 

Oliver was still out when she left the room. The smell of brewed coffee hit her, and she wasn’t surprised to see Digg sitting at her kitchen table, reading a paper. 

 

He sat down his mug when she entered and she purposely ignored him. 

 

Felicity made the slowest cup of coffee of her life, and then leaned against the counter, her back to him as she began to drink it. 

 

She heard his long sigh and the paper shuffling before he finally dared to speak, “Felicity...” 

 

She turned slowly and pinned him with a look as she shook her head. “No. I don’t want to hear it. I didn’t want to hear it from Oliver, and I don’t want to hear it from you. Nothing justifies this. Nothing. I know what he said. But he’s an idiot. You should have known better.” 

 

He opened his mouth to start again and she held up a hand. “You knew, this entire time. You watched me...” her voice broke off on the words because it was too painful to say.

 

“This wasn’t his fault. I’m the one who said this was how it was going to be. I’m the one responsible.” Oliver’s voice came from behind her and she spun to see him, looking deliciously rumpled and sleepy and she had to force those thoughts away. 

 

“I know _exactly_ who’s responsible for this, Oliver.” she said pointedly, 

 

Digg rose from the table and came to stand before her. She’d seem him serious before, but never like this. “Felicity, if you think this was easy for me, or that I took your grief lightly then you don’t know me. Watching you go through this was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to witness and there was more than once where I wanted to throw away the plan and tell you. But your safety was our first priority, damn the consequences.” Digg said his peace and sat back. 

 

“If the Bratva had been after you is this how it would have gone down?” she challenged him, stepping back so she could see Oliver as well. When neither of them responded she gave a smirk. “That’s what I thought.” 

 

“I’m smarter than both of you. Combined. You don’t think I could have come up with something a little less elaborate. And painful.” she leveled them both with a glare that dared them to question her. 

 

Oliver was shaking his head, however. “Too many variables. Too much planning. There was no time. A decision had to be made. I made it.” his eyes were hard as he countered her argument. 

 

“Why couldn’t I have known about it!” she sat the mug down to keep from dropping it, 

 

“Because it had to be real.” he said after a beat, his eyes dropping to the floor for a second. 

 

He was lying. 

 

“And you don’t think I couldn’t have convincingly portrayed your death?” she asked him, advancing two steps so he was trapped between her and the counter. 

 

He didn’t reply. And a dawning horror came over her. 

 

They didn’t tell her because there had been a very real chance he could have died. 

 

Her hand flashed out and met his cheek. It barely moved his head, but her palm stung fiercely. “You stupid bastard.” she hissed between clenched teeth and pivoted to leave but his arm came out and stopped her, wrapping around her waist. 

 

“No!” she fought, pushing at the iron band that held her, “Oliver, let me go!” Her held her for another moment and then released her. She stumbled away, satisfied with the way her bedroom door slammed behind her. 

 

She found herself on the balcony, leaning on the rungs of the fire escape as she took in deep breaths of cool morning air and listened to the city wake up. 

 

He left her alone for almost twenty minutes. She almost wished she could be in her kitchen right then listening to Digg have a go at him. 

 

When he spoke from behind her she wasn’t surprised. “If things had gone wrong and I had died you wouldn’t have known. They couldn’t have gotten anything from you. There wouldn’t be a chance there’d be a mistake. Not letting you know was the safest way.” he’d approached silently, but she didn’t jump. 

 

She sighed heavily and rubbed her still stinging palm across her thigh. They weren’t ever going to agree on this. “It might have been the safest, but that doesn’t mean it was the best.” she replied without looking.

 

“Oliver, I know I can’t shoot a bow and arrow, and I know I’m a pretty lousy shot with a gun. But what I can do, I do damn well. There were other ways here. If you had just told me I could have figured something out that didn’t involve all of this. But you took that choice away from me. You just unilaterally decided you knew what was best and never looked back. But you’re not always right.” she turned her head slowly to see him leaning against the edge of the window, hands shoved in his pockets as he stared at her. 

 

He opened his mouth to speak but she cut him off. “I know. I was in danger. I get that. But I’ve been in danger before. You’re in danger all the time. I signed up for this. I get it. I understand. You have to trust me, trust in us that we can handle it. Together.” 

 

He was silent for a long moment to the point where she was starting to worry about his response. 

 

“I just needed you to be safe.” he said again, as if that alone should explain everything. 

 

She let out a ragged breath and gave her head a shake. “You did the same thing to me that you were trying to prevent from happening to you. You said you can’t lose me. Well...I lost you. I know what that feels like. And I know that wasn’t your intention. I know it never crossed your mind, but I will _never_ be able to forget what I went through this week. Never.”

 

She expected him to say something but he remained silent. “I was lost. And you can not understand that. I truly hope you never experience it. People have died in my life before, but this...this was...” tears came unbidden and she brushed them away angrily, she was sick of crying. She also realized how tired and on the edge she was if she was so close,  once again, to spilling her heart to him. 

 

Standing suddenly she clasped her hands together, “You know what, it’s done. And you’re here. And I’m very glad. And maybe we should just move on, okay?” She had to lock this down, and push it away or it would eat her alive. 

 

She turned towards the window and waited for him to move; he looked shell shocked. 

 

He mutely shifted out of her way, allowing her to enter. She didn’t say anything as she gathered her laptop and tablet and made her way into the kitchen. Oliver trailed after her. Digg gave her an apologetic look and she gave him a tight smile in return. She knew he hadn’t had it easy. 

 

She made a show of setting up her tech, gratefully took the fresh cup of coffee Digg slid in front of her and then gave them appraising looks. Oliver still appeared lost as he stood in the doorway. Digg leaned over the end of the counter and waited. 

 

She shut her eyes and took a deep, centering breath. Oliver was alive. Everything was fine. They’d find this new captain and bring him down and then everything could go back to normal. Maybe they’d be able to forget that she’d told him she loved him and that they spent the night in her bed. 

 

Maybe. 

 

“Alright, tell me everything you know about this guy.” she ordered. Oliver approached the table and slid a flashdrive her direction. 

 

She smiled her thanks and got to work finding everything she could on one Sergei Ivankov. 

 

Oliver spent the remainder of the day pacing her apartment. He rotated between the bedroom, the kitchen, and the living room, reminding her of a caged tiger at the zoo. Every muscle in his body was demanding he take action and he couldn’t do anything. 

 

On one of his passes she looked up to see him studying her. She glanced back at the screen and cleared her throat, “So, apparently Ivankov spent some time in Gotham. Speaking of which, I didn’t know you and Bruce Wayne were such good friends.” she winced internally at her lame segue, but when she’d seen the note about Gotham it had jogged her memory. 

 

He froze at the mention of Bruce and she wondered how much Digg had told him. 

 

“I wouldn’t exactly say we were friends. We went to prep school together. He was a few years ahead of me. I haven’t even seen him since I’ve been back.” Oliver said in a tight voice, and she knew he meant back from the island, not back after the Glades. It seemed for a second like he was going to press her; question how she knew Bruce, but he didn’t. A flash of memory struck her and she was back at that cemetery, staring at his coffin. 

 

She had to physically shake her head to get rid of the thought and ignored the look of concern Oliver gave her. 

 

“Did he say anything to you?” he asked suddenly, after she had already returned to the screens. She looked up in surprise because the way he asked, he almost sounded jealous. 

 

“No, he was just...there. He was nice.” she said softly and run her fingers up under her glasses to pinch the bridge of her nose. Oliver went to ask another question but she spoke before he could. “I’m sorry, I just really can’t talk about your funeral.” her voice caught on the word as flutters of panic filled her chest just thinking about it. 

 

Oliver scrubbed both hands over his head and collapsed onto her sofa, elbows resting on his knees, and she wondered if this would always hang over them. 

 

With great difficulty she forced herself to work. Her eyes kept lifting to look at him. Part of her was glad he felt guilty for what he’d done, and part of her wanted to fix him like she always did. 

 

Digg shoved a burger and fries in front of her at some point and her stomach grumbled so loud she blushed. 

 

“Eat. You’ve wasted away.” he ordered, and she didn’t miss the flash of guilt that crossed Oliver’s face. 

 

She had to shoo both of them out of her space countless times as the evening dragged on. 

 

Finally, she got a hit out of Gotham and called Oliver over. He stood behind her, one hand on the back of her chair and she could feel the heat from him only inches from her. Swallowing hard she forced herself to concentrate. 

 

“Looks like he did a lot of gun running out of Gotham, that seemed to be his niche. Could be why he wanted to be a Captain here. Bigger port, better opportunity to expand his trade. He had a lot to bring to the table. You ever consider Knyazev wanted him to challenge you?” she asked, turning her head to look at him and forgetting how close he was, if she leaned back an inch she’d be touching him.  

 

Oliver’s eyes narrowed as he considered what she said. “It’s very possible. Is there anything on any shipments now that he’s in town.” his arm snuck over her shoulder to press the keys himself, brushing against her and she had to swallow hard before she swatted his hand away.

 

“I don’t mess with your arrows.” she admonished him, more breathless than she would have liked, and returned to her task.

 

She clicked a few keys and pulled up camera footage from the day before. “These two trucks were seen leaving Alexi Leonov’s garage yesterday. Can’t get a good look at the passenger of this one, but I’d bet it’s Ivankov. And today these same two trucks drove the same route from the docks to a warehouse listed to someone that doesn’t exist.” 

 

“And what about ships that are supposed to dock in the next few days?” all of his energy was keyed in on what she was telling him. 

 

“Three are coming in tonight, but only one is foreign. And it has a very vague manifest.” she pulled up the name of the ship and where it was due to dock. 

 

She picked up her tablet and let out a sigh. “I could monitor all of this better from the lair.” but she knew they had to keep Oliver as hidden as possible. 

 

“We’ll be on the comms, and Digg brought the basics with him.” Oliver said, already crossing the room as Digg dropped a heavy black case she hadn’t noticed before on the table. 

 

She was momentarily distracted as she watched him open the case and begin taking out the equipment. 

 

“Wait, what is going on?” she sputtered. 

 

Oliver stopped and gave her a confused look, “We’re going to gather intel on Ivankov, and stop this shipment from being delivered, and hopefully stop him at the same time.”

 

“Oliver, you can’t!” she exclaimed, unable to keep the stark fear out of her voice as she jumped to her feet.

 

“Oliver Queen can’t, but Green Arrow can.” he reminded her, his eyes pleading with her to understand that he had to do this. He had to end this now because it had already cost too much.

 

She bit her lip to keep it from trembling, and reached out a shaking hand to lay against his side. “But...you’re still hurt...you shouldn’t...” she protested weakly, knowing it wouldn’t be enough to stop him. 

 

“I’m fine.” he assured her, but all she could see right then was him dying on that table. 

 

She was barely aware when he pulled away and disappeared. Numbly she made her way back to the table and pulled up whatever she could that would help them. 

 

Shame flared over her face as he came out of her room, green jacket zipped up. All of them knew why she had that in her apartment, and she couldn’t help but feel ridiculous now. She couldn’t even bring herself to look at him in it right then. Her eyes were on the screens in front of her, but she wasn’t seeing them. 

 

“Hey,” he said softly, his hand grasping her shoulder, “It’ll be fine.” 

 

He thought she was upset about the mission, which she was. But it meant he hadn’t even thought about the jacket and her and how stupid she felt about having worn it. She let out a long breath and reached her hand up to squeeze his. She couldn’t bring herself to say anything right then. 

 

She handed him an ear piece and slipped hers in as well, trying not to remember that the last time they’d done this it had all gone to hell. 

 

Numbly she went through all her typical pre-mission checks. But when she asked to do a test of the comms for a third time Digg leaned over and took her hands off the keyboard. “Hey, I’ve got his back, alright?” she nodded once and let out a ragged breath. 

 

He dropped the burner phone and a handgun on the table next to her tablet. “Just in case.” he said, with a sharp look. 

 

Digg left first, confirming with Oliver where he’d pick him up before he slipped out the door. 

 

Oliver stood before her, waiting as she debated what to say. In the end she swallowed down her fear and walked towards him. Very deliberately, she reached over his shoulders and pulled the hood up. 

 

An exhale left him and he caught her hands as they fell down his chest. “I’m coming back.” he vowed, but she couldn’t bring herself to nod. 

 

His hand cupped her cheek before he left, and she couldn’t have looked away from him if she’d tried. His eyes conveyed everything he couldn’t say just then. The guilt for hurting her, and the regret at breaking her trust was thick and heavy, and behind it lurked something she couldn’t quite name. 

 

He stepped closer causing her breath to hitch, There was the smallest uptick of his mouth as he leaned over her. “I’m coming back.” he repeated. She didn’t break his gaze until she felt his lips just graze her forehead. Her eyes fell shut and when she opened them she just caught him cutting through her bedroom to exit out the window. 

 

She sat frozen for five minutes until Digg came over the link and said he had Oliver. Feeling returned to her limbs and she felt like the knot that had formed in her stomach had eased some, even though she knew this was the safest part of the night. 

 

The ship would be docking soon and she knew they wanted to be there before it was unloaded. 

 

Oliver was good about keeping her updated. His voice was in her ear as often as possible. They’d found a spot to observe the trucks and the ship and were waiting for something to happen when a draft of air came from her bedroom. 

 

Felicity’s head shot up and she look into the darkened room. Oliver would have shut the window behind him. Moving as naturally as she could she picked up the gun Digg had left for her and thumbed off the safety, muting her comm link at the same time. She didn’t need them to be worried and blow their cover over her potentially overactive imagination. She wasn’t going to do anything that could jeopardize Oliver. 

 

With her heart beating so loudly she could scarcely hear anything else she made her way slowly towards her room. She took two sure steps inside and looked left immediately, gasping at the silhouette that greeted her. 

 

Batman, or at least someone who was in a Batman costume stood in front of her open window. 


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks to everyone for the fabulous response to this story!! As always, big shoutouts to befitandchase and hopedreamlovepray for dealing with many, many emails sent their way.**

 

**Hope you like this chapter, there’s a little bit of everything in this one.**

 

**Enjoy and let me know what you think!**

 

 

_Previously in ‘Dust to Dust’..._

 

_With her heart beating so loudly she could scarcely hear anything else she made her way slowly towards her room. She took two sure steps inside and looked left immediately, gasping at the silhouette that greeted her._

 

_Batman, or at least someone who was in a Batman costume stood in front of her open window._

 

The grip on her gun tightened as she broke out in a cold sweat. 

 

“Put the gun down, Ms. Smoak, I’m not going to hurt you.” he rasped dangerously, but she didn’t do as he said. 

 

“Who are you and why are you here?” she demanded, even though her voice shook. 

 

“I need to know where that ship is docking.” he replied, taking a step closer.

 

Felicity widened her stance and set her jaw, “Don’t move.” she warned, “How do you know about the ship?” 

 

“I’ve tracked Ivankov from Gotham. He’s pulling his trade from there and bringing it to Starling City.” he answered,

 

“We’ve got our own vigilante here. Aren’t you breaking the superhero code or something?” 

 

His head tilted almost imperceptibly and for some reason it looked familiar to her. 

 

“Ivankov is my business.” he practically growled,

 

She swallowed hard and tried to stare him down. “Ivankov is being taken care of. We’re well versed on the Bratva here.” 

 

“The Bratva are not only in Starling City, Ms. Smoak, and dead men don’t always have light footsteps.” he warned and she was struck numb by his words. He knew that Oliver wasn’t dead, and he knew he was Green Arrow. 

 

He capitalized on her shock. Faster than she could blink he’d crossed the room and disarmed her. She stood blankly, with empty hands as he made his way into the kitchen. 

 

“Anything new on the cameras, Felicity?” Oliver’s voice came over the comm just then making her jump a second time. 

 

She didn’t know what to do. Batman was already using her laptop, and if she didn’t answer Oliver he’d become worried. 

 

She turned her mute off and answered, “Nothing new.” she replied, hoping there actually wasn’t anything new, and that he didn’t pick up on her nervousness. 

 

There was a hesitation before he spoke, “Everything alright?” 

 

“Yeah, fine. Just fine. Nothing out of the usual here. Nope, not at all.” she said with a forced laugh and winced. The man in the cape and mask actually paused and looked towards her in disbelief. 

 

“Felicity...” Oliver drawled slowly, “Do we need to come back?” 

 

“No.” she said resolutely, “Just a little worried about you, that’s all.” 

 

“The trucks have arrived but no one’s gotten out, and no one’s come off the ship either.” he told her, and she quirked her eyebrows in confusion. 

 

“Hang on,” she said, and moved towards the table, plucking the tablet from Batman’s hands before she could consider what she was doing. She pulled up the closest camera to the docks and ran back the footage from earlier. Two trucks pulled in just as they expected, but after she fast forwarded an hour she saw two more pull in.  

 

“Shit!” she exclaimed, “It’s one of the other ships, Oliver. Those trucks are a decoy. It’s either pier 25 or 34, I don’t know which.” she ran a hand over the top of her head in frustration as she listened to he and Digg scramble to move. 

 

The black cape brushed past her as Batman headed back towards the balcony, “Thank you for your assistance, Ms. Smoak.” he said, and then he was gone. 

 

“Oliver, don’t be surprised if you have a little help on this one.” she said with a grimace. 

 

“What are you talking about?” he said roughly. She could hear his breaths as he ran and jumped to get where he needed to be. 

 

“Um, Batman may have just paid me a visit.” she said warily and waited for him to explode. 

 

“Are you alright!” he demanded,

 

“Oliver, keep moving!” Digg’s voice commanded,

 

“I’m fine! Do your job. And don’t shoot the guy in the cape.” she instructed. 

 

“This isn’t over.” he warned and then she could hear him running again. 

 

She kept her eyes fixed on the camera near the docks, hoping they hadn’t missed them leaving, and waited. She wasn’t expecting the image to drop and nothing but static to fill her screen. 

 

Fingers flying she checked the other cameras close in to find they were still working fine. A few minutes later she’d discovered that only that camera was being blocked, and not from anything locally. 

 

“Who the hell has their own satellite at their command?” she muttered to herself as she tried to find a way around it. 

 

“I’ve lost my eyes, boys. The cameras are out at the docks.” she tried to not let the panic seep into her voice. 

 

“We’ll keep you in the loop.” Digg answered and she knew he would. 

 

Felicity sat back, studying the cameras she could see and thought about what exactly brought Batman to her window. How could he have known where she lived? How could he have known they’d found the connection to the docks? She replayed the day over in her mind and remembered telling Oliver she’d found the ship, but she’d showed him the screen with the information on it. She’d never said it aloud.

 

She jumped to her feet and dug through the case of equipment Digg had brought earlier. With a silent fist pump she found what she was looking for and began to scan her apartment for any transmitters. 

 

The kitchen and living room were clean. When she got to her bedroom it went off near her dresser. 

 

Brows drawn together she slowly moved her way across the wooden surface. It was possible someone had snuck in and left it, but her dresser seemed like an odd location. 

 

When she ran it over the front of the center drawer it registered. She pulled it open quickly. It was the drawer that held belts, and scarves, and other random accessories. Laying right on top was the handkerchief Bruce Wayne had given her. 

 

In disbelief she brought it out and then ran the device over the drawer again. It was silent. 

 

She held her breath as she ran it over the handkerchief itself, and it lit up again. 

 

“Son of a...” she muttered low, and caught herself before they could hear her over the comms. 

 

Felicity grabbed the cloth and stalked back into the kitchen, getting out supplies and laying them out on the table. She wanted to rant and rave and call him every name in the book, but it was still transmitting and the last thing she wanted was to tip him off that she’d found it. 

 

Why in the hell had Bruce Wayne bugged her apartment? 

 

Working carefully she clipped away the silk threads of the monogram and found the tiny transmitter. It was state of the art. She’d never seen one that powerful that small before. R&D at Wayne Enterprises must be well funded. 

 

Digg and Oliver were still trying to find a way to stop the transfer and get Ivankov. She only had minutes before everything started to go down. 

 

As she let her fingers go she tried to figure out why he would bug her. She froze as it hit her. Bruce Wayne had given her the handkerchief with the transmitter, but Batman had been listening. 

 

‘Holy crap!’ she mouthed in disbelief as she recalled the way they’d both tilted their heads. It was because they were the same person. 

 

With a renewed fervor she managed to get a link to the bug and trace it back, by piggybacking the signal. She let out a laugh as she sent it to a secondary comm link she stuck in her other ear. It took one click to mute the signal to Digg and Oliver. She didn’t need them to hear this conversation right then.

 

Her grin spanned her entire face as she opened the new link and could hear what sounded like the background noises of a motorcycle. 

 

She sat back with a satisfied smirk, “You know, Mr. Wayne, it’s rude to offer your handkerchief to a lady if all you want out of it is to bug her apartment.” she said smoothly and waited for his response. 

 

While she was waiting she pulled the tablet into her lap and worked off an idea that had popped into her mind. Sure enough, by using the signal she’d just traced she was able to divert the satellite that had been blocking her camera feed. A few taps later and she had the feed. 

 

She muted Bruce’s comm and turned the other one back on. “I’ve got my eyes back. You guys see anything?.” 

 

“Six men just boarded the boat at pier 25.” Digg replied. 

 

“Be careful.” she told them, her heart in her throat.

 

“Ms. Smoak, I’m sorry if my motives were less than honorable.” Bruce finally said. He had decided to ignore the fact that she knew his secret identity. She could work with that she thought, switching between the links once more.

 

“It’s also rude to block my signal. I helped myself to your satellite, hope you don’t mind.” she thought she detected a slight sigh. 

 

“Ms. Smoak, the Bratva are not a group to be taken lightly, and Ivankov is a dangerous man.”  he growled, exasperation clear in his tone.  

 

“Why did you bug me?” 

 

“The Bratva had targeted you because of your connection to Oliver Queen. I thought there was a chance they might contact you again.” he replied.

 

She paused before she spoke, “Did you know Oliver was alive when we met?” 

 

“No.” 

 

“He knows you’re coming. He probably won’t be pleased. I told him not to arrow you, but he doesn’t play well with others.” she didn’t know why she was warning him. 

 

“Neither do I.” 

 

“Must be a billionaire vigilante thing. I wouldn’t understand.” when he didn’t reply she gave herself an imaginary point. 

 

“One last question, Mr. Wayne. How’d you know I’d take the handkerchief?” she asked, a hint of mischief in her voice. 

 

He waited a beat before he replied, and it left her breathless. “A woman who lost the love of her life will always need a handkerchief.” she heard the telltale click as he turned the link off on his end. 

 

With numb fingers she deactivated the transmitter and sat it aside to study later. 

 

She slid the second ear piece out and made sure she was reconnected with Oliver and Digg. 

 

“Felicity, talk to me.” Oliver said in her ear and she was momentarily stunned. 

 

The sudden rush of tears took her by surprise. He must have heard her because he was immediately asking if she was okay. “Felicity, what’s wrong?”

 

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just...I never thought I’d hear you say that again. Sorry.” she apologized, wondering how long little things like that were going to set her off. 

 

There was a long pause where no one said anything. She cleared her throat before she spoke. “Any movement?” she asked, in what she hoped was a calm voice.

 

“They’re still on the ship.” Digg replied.

 

“Your new friend hasn’t showed up yet.” Oliver bit out, not even trying to hide his jealousy this time. 

 

Her stomach flipped at his words and she allowed herself a small smile. “Don’t worry Green Arrow, I’m not two-timing you if that’s what you’re worried about.”

 

She heard Digg let out a snort of amusement. She’d have to remember to ask what Oliver’s face looked like just then. 

 

“That’s good, I’ve never been one for sharing.” his voice was low and laced with what sounded like a promise he intended to see through. 

 

Desire coiled low in her belly and there was no way she was going to even attempt to speak. 

 

“Alright you two, can we focus please.” Digg said, exasperated. 

 

“Well, I just diverted a satellite, and can I just say that I’m jealous. How come you don’t buy me nice things?” she joked, trying to ignore the feelings he’d just pulled from her. 

 

“If you want a satellite, get yourself a satellite. It’s not like you don’t have access to all my accounts.” he deadpanned. It was the first easy exchange they’d had since his death. 

 

“This is true, but I wouldn’t want to take advantage of you.” her words came out more sultry than she’d intended and her cheeks flushed immediately. “I mean...I just...” she clamped her lips together to stop herself from making it worse. 

 

“They’re coming off the ship.” Digg whispered, interrupting her ramble and everything flipped. 

 

There was a low growl from Oliver’s throat, “ _He_ just arrived.” 

 

“ _He’s_ there to help.” she admonished,

 

“ _He_ needs to stay out of my way.” Oliver returned, and she rolled her eyes at his macho bravado.

 

“Well, you boys can have a pissing contest later. How about you focus on taking out the bad guy for right now.” she reminded him and was only granted a grunt in reply.

 

When the fighting started all she could do was sit and wait.  

 

As usual she muted her comms so they couldn’t hear her as she reacted. Mostly it was heavy breathing and sounds of pain. Occasionally Digg would call out locations of enemies to Oliver, but they usually were silent. 

 

When Digg swore under his breath her heart rate increased even more. “The other two vans arrived, and they aren’t empty.” 

 

“Ivankov is making a run for it, but I can’t go after him.” Oliver snarled, and she heard the familiar snick as an arrow left the bow. 

 

“New guy’s on him.” Digg said and she let out a breath of relief. 

 

Fighting resumed, her hands covered her mouth as she heard more and more grunts of pain from Oliver. She usually wasn’t concerned with him when it came to hand to hand, but he was still injured. Her hand flew to the earpiece without her even knowing it and unmuted the comms. “Oliver!” 

 

“I’m ok.” he answered quickly before she heard the fighting resume. 

 

She’d barely had time to catch her breath before Digg called out,“Behind you!” 

 

“No!” she exclaimed for no one to hear, half rising from her seat. However, before she could make out if Oliver was okay there was a knock at her door and she froze, paralyzed with fear. No one should be knocking on her door that late. 

 

With shaking hands she sat down the tablet and, for the second time that night, picked up the gun Digg had left for her.  She didn’t approach the door, instead she walked backwards, towards her room. 

 

She’d made it two steps in and had turned to sprint for the window when a roar of noise and heat surrounded her. 

 

She was thrown across the room, landing half on the bed, half on the floor. When her eyes opened she was confused and disoriented. Her head throbbed, and the hand she lifted to her hand came away warm and sticky. 

 

There was no way to determine how long she’d been unconscious, but by the amount of smoke filling the room it had been too long. Debris littered the space around her and there was a dull ringing in her ears. She lay still in shock, pain lacing through her as she tried to make sense of what had happened.

 

Felicity slid to the carpet, coughing and gasping for breath. She’d lost the gun and there was no noise coming from her comm link. She could hear the crackling of flames and the shrill screech of fire alarms. When she tried to push herself up she hissed in pain. Her head felt groggy, and the ringing wouldn’t stop. 

 

Every thing she looked at had been destroyed. The wall between the bedroom and living room was nothing but bits of wood here and there, and smoke poured through the gaping hole. Her stomach dropped as she realized she would be dead if she’d answered the door. She had to move. She had to get out, but her body didn’t want to listen.

 

When a dark form surrounded her and lifted her to her feet she let out a sigh of relief and sank into strong arms. “Oliver,” she whispered, and then remembered he was at the docks, it couldn’t be him. Fear shot through her until she heard a familiar voice. 

 

“Not exactly, Ms. Smoak,” 

 

Her eyes flew open and saw nothing but black, “Bruce?” she asked, confused. “What...”

 

“Ivankov decided you were a loose end after all.” he explained as he moved them towards the window. 

 

She coughed harder, the smoke making it difficult to breathe. He wrapped his cape around her and turned her head towards him. “Where’s Oliver?” She wasn’t sure how much time had passed since the explosion and the last thing she’d heard was Digg yelling out to him in warning. 

 

“Not far behind me, I suspect.” 

 

“Is he okay? They said Ivankov got away, but another van load of his thugs showed up.” she coughed violently as Bruce stepped onto the balcony and pulled something from his belt. Black spots were dancing in front of her eyes and she knew she’d be on the ground if he didn’t have hold of her. 

 

“The last I saw he was playing Robin Hood. I took care of Ivankov.” there was a deeper growl to his voice, but she barely had time to wonder what it was about before his grip around her waist grew harder, “Hold on to me tight.” he said with no warning.

 

She let out a startled shriek as the ground dropped out from under her feet. They landed on a rooftop across from her building and her knees were shaking when he sat them down. 

 

She felt weak and lightheaded as she sagged against him. Her eyes wouldn’t stay open no matter how much she needed them to. She just wanted to see Oliver. She wanted to know he’d gotten away from Ivankov and his men in one piece. The terror of losing him again was right there and she was afraid it was going to consume her. 

 

Bruce was speaking to her, but she couldn’t concentrate. Coughs wracked her, as she expelled smoke from her lungs, leaving her trembling. 

 

He must have heard something because he turned them suddenly. She peeked out over the edge of the black that almost covered her head and let out a shaky sob of relief. It was Oliver. He was okay. 

 

Bruce released the arm that had been wrapped around her waist, the cape falling away to reveal her. “I have something that belongs to you.” 

 

“Felicity!” Oliver breathed out, crossing the distance as she stumbled towards him. He pulled her towards him almost desperately, one hand in her hair, the other holding her to his chest. She could feel the hard line of his bow as he clutched her to him. Her face burrowed inside his hood as she settled against him, her forehead pressed into his neck. 

 

“What happened? Are you alright? I thought I’d lost you” he said all at once, voice breaking as he set her back some so he could see her. His hand ran over her cheek and across her temple, looking for injuries. She winced when his thumb found the spot near her hairline and his brows drew together. She could see the fear and panic in his eyes as he looked down at her. 

 

His hand traced down again, and this time his thumb ghosted over her bottom lip. There wasn’t time to think because suddenly his mouth was on hers. 

 

She was stunned at his action. It took her a moment to react and when she did he pressed into her harder. Her stomach did big looping swirls as his lips moved over hers and when he pulled back she let out a happy little whimper, her current pains and terror forgotten. 

 

Never would she have imagined that their first kiss would have been on a rooftop, with both of them bleeding, and Batman as a witness. 

 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” he asked again, a desperate quality to his voice that she knew she had to get rid of. “I thought I’d lost you, I heard the explosion and then you were gone...” she saw it then, the wild, crazed look in his eyes that she was sure had been in hers just a few days ago. 

 

“I’m alright.” she told him through tears, her hands coming up to run fingers across his cheek, under his eyes, across his brow, letting him know she was there. “Bruce got me out in time.” she threw a look over her shoulder to see him still standing there. 

 

“Bruce?” Oliver questioned and then she saw it fall into place for him. He raised hard eyes and locked them on the man across from him. 

 

“Wayne.” he said simply.

 

“Queen.” Bruce replied.

 

Oliver’s hands tensed on her waist and then he set her to the side, making sure she wasn’t going to fall before he stepped away and approached Bruce. 

 

The two men studied each other for a long beat and then Oliver spoke, “Thank you.” he said simply, but the weight of his words was heavy. 

 

Bruce nodded. “I’ll finish with Ivankov’s thugs, and then I’ll be out of your city.” 

 

Against the backdrop of the flaming apartment building he stepped off the side of the roof and disappeared. 

 

Oliver was at her side in a second, pulling her to him once again. She let out a shaky breath and turned her head to lay against his chest as she looked at what used to be her home. “It’s all gone.” she said in sad disbelief. 

 

“The only thing in that apartment that was important got out alive.” he said throatily as he pulled her in closer. Her eyes shut tight at his words, her mind spinning at everything that had happened, she couldn’t process it all and when her body began to shake she wasn’t surprised. 

 

He felt the tremors go through her and pulled back, his hands on her shoulders to look at her, “You’re in shock.” he said decisively, and she saw the mask slip over his face that appeared when he put on the hood for a mission. He could focus now. “We need to get you back to the lair.” 

 

She didn’t remember much about how they got off the rooftop. There was one more experience with her stomach dropping out, and Oliver’s arms never leaving her. By the time they reached the ground he’d given up on trying to keep her walking. She let her head fall limply to his shoulder as he carried her a block over to where Digg waited with the car. 

 

Most of the ride to the lair was a blur. She’d occasionally reply to Oliver’s commands, or hear him talking to Digg, telling him to drive faster. She clearly recalled Digg assuring Oliver she was fine, she’d just been through too much in such a short period of time and this was her body’s way of coping. From what she remembered Oliver didn’t agree with that assessment. 

 

He was warm though, and when he wrapped an arm around her shoulders it was so easy to slip into the darkness, knowing everything was finally right. 

 

Waking up was entirely different. She’d had the dream again, the one where she watched Oliver die, except this time she was forced to go to his funeral over and over again, never getting a respite from the grief. She came to with a lurch, half sitting up on the couch. Digg was in front of her, one hand coming out to steady her and make sure she didn’t fall. 

 

She looked at him with wide, frightened eyes as she tried to draw breath into her lungs. A viscous throb in her temple made her wince and drop her head into her hand. When a hand landed on her back that wasn’t Digg’s she screamed and launched herself his direction. 

 

The room spun around her as she realized for the first time that she was in the lair. Her heart pounded in her chest as her eyes cut across the med bay. The table where Oliver had died seemed to rise up in front of her. Flashes of that night superimposed themselves over what she was currently seeing until she didn’t know what was real and what was a memory. 

 

She was half hidden behind Digg who was trying to talk to her, but there was so much blood rushing through her head she couldn’t hear him. A form rose before them and her knees turned to jelly. It was Oliver, hood pushed back, and green paint gone. His brows were furrowed in concern as he approached. 

 

She was so tired, and so confused, and her head throbbed so hard it made it difficult to concentrate. Flashes of the past week went through her mind and she shut her eyes tight against the images. Oliver dead. Oliver in her apartment. Oliver’s casket. Oliver kissing her. She felt like she was going mad and she wished everything would just stop so she could figure out what was happening. 

 

There was a strong hand on her back and she recognized that Digg was propelling her forward. She was in a battle between what she knew and what she feared. When Oliver’s hands clasped her upper arms she almost collapsed. 

 

“You’re here. You’re really here.” she babbled into his chest, “You didn’t die over there on that table, right? You didn’t die. And you’re here. And I’m here with you.” 

 

He whispered assurances into her ear as he held her tight. 

 

Slowly she let what she knew to be true creep in and patch the holes in her heart. Her breathing evened out, and her pulse slowed until she felt like she had some control over her emotions. 

 

When she blinked open her eyes she discovered Oliver had moved them. They now sat on the couch. She was draped over his lap, one of his arms wrapped around waist, the other laying across her legs as he just sat with her. 

 

All she could see was the green of his top, and the days old stubble along his jaw. Hesitantly she reached a hand up and laid it along his neck, feeling his pulse. He startled at her touch, looking down quickly and she gasped. He looked broken, destroyed, and beyond lost. 

 

“Oliver,” she breathed out as she sat up some. “What’s wrong?” 

 

He turned his head away sharply, unable to look at her. Gently she laid two fingers on his chin and turned him back. “Talk to me.” 

 

“How can you look at me?” he said with such self-hatred he almost choked on it. 

 

A memory of him saying ‘I thought I lost you.’ repeated in her mind and her heart clenched for him. 

 

“Because I love you.” she said simply, not even surprised at how easily the words slipped from her this time. Funny how facing death and having the worst thing imaginable happen to you put things into perspective. 

 

His eyes flew to hers in disbelief as his head began to shake back and forth. “You shouldn’t. God knows, you shouldn’t. All I’m going to do is cause you pain and ruin your life. You should run. Run as fast as you can and pretend you never met me.” 

 

“It’s too late for that.” she told him with a sad smile, “And if this past week has told me anything it’s that you’re a part of me. I could no more walk away than I could accept you were gone.” 

 

His eyes darkened and the crease between his brows deepened. She wasn’t surprised when he placed his hands on her waist and lifted her off of him, setting her down on the couch as he moved to his feet; putting distance between them. 

 

“I’m serious, Felicity. You need to just go. Move to Metropolis, or Goth...Coast City, and start a new life that doesn’t involved all of this.” 

 

Her stomach flipped as he spoke. Unable to even suggest she move to Gotham because Bruce lived there, and his jealousy, even now, was transparent. She saw through it all. She knew the next thing he would try would be indifference; that she didn’t mean anything to him to try and force her to leave. And maybe, if that didn’t work, he’d get mean and intimidating. She wasn’t going to let him get away with any of it. 

 

The slight smile on her lips halted him and he looked at her, stunned. 

 

“I’m not leaving you.” 

 

He opened his mouth to protest. She could see the anger flaring in him that she’d sabotaged his plans and before she could stop herself a little laugh came out. 

 

“You can save your breath. There is nothing you could say or do to make me think I am not exactly where I’m supposed to be. So, all that’s really left is for me to convince you that I’m right.” She thought about standing but knew he was on the edge and needed to take this step himself. 

 

“I’m no good for you. Look what I’ve done! I put you through hell. I almost got you buried in this very building. You’ve been held at gunpoint, had a crossbow to your head, a bomb strapped to your neck. Your apartment is gone. You’re hurt...” he trailed off as he brushed a hand over the bandage at her temple. Whether he realized it or not, as he spoke he’d been slowly approaching her. 

 

Her fingers reached up and tangled with his, bringing them to her lips. She heard him inhale as she brushed a kiss across his knuckles. “I’m not leaving you.” she repeated. 

 

He stumbled forward another step until she had to crane her neck to look up at him. 

 

“I’m not leaving you.” 

 

Every so gradually he sunk to his knees in front of her. Watery eyes met hers and she gave him the most brilliant smile she could muster. 

 

His other hand came up to clasp hers, holding so tight the bones of her fingers rubbed together, but she didn’t care. His head bowed until it rested in her lap. “I’m sorry.” he breathed out, “I’m so sorry.” 

 

He said it over and over and over again. 

 

She wiggled one hand free and dropped it on his head, running a comforting track over the back of his hair, down his neck and back again. “I know you didn’t do it on purpose. I know you didn’t think this would happen. I know you won’t do it again.” and she knew he wouldn’t. She knew without a doubt he’d make another stupid choice in the future, under the guise of keeping her safe, but nothing like this. Nothing this bad. 

 

The sight of him before her took her breath away. He was still dressed as Green Arrow. The hood wasn’t up, and the paint was long gone, but everything else was still there. To see this man that people feared on his knees before her made her ache for him and love him even more. Because under all of that she knew the real Oliver. The man who would throw away his own chance at happiness to save her. 

 

When she felt his breath even out she coaxed his head up until she could see his red rimmed eyes. She stroked fingers over his brow, and across his cheek. “Do you trust me?” she asked quietly,

 

“Yes,” he answered immediately, his voice rough. 

 

“Then trust me with us. Trust me with this.” she laid her hand over his heart and waited for his response. Nerves suddenly struck her, because she’d played all her cards and it was all on the table now. 

 

“I don’t deserve you.” he said and she remembered when he’d said it the first time and what her answer had been then. 

 

“Of course you do.” she replied this time. “You’re a good man, Oliver Queen.” 

 

A shudder went through him. From the top of his head to the bottom of his feet. With a great exhale he surrounded her, his arms scooping her up as he ended back up on the couch with her once again on his lap.

 

One of his hands slipped behind her neck and small shivers ran up her spine. The surety and confidence she’d just shown was quickly abandoning her. Finding one more burst of courage she leaned in and brushed her lips across his. He stilled before the hand in her hair flexed, and pulled her in closer. 

 

She fell into him willingly, her fingers tracing over his jaw and down his neck. When she opened her mouth he pulled back reluctantly and pressed his forehead into hers. 

 

“You need to rest.” he told her, the guilt not completely gone. He touched the bandage on her head again, but his eyes were dark and a small thrill went through her that he hadn’t wanted to stop kissing her. 

 

“Only if you stay with me.” she said and tugged him down to his side. She’d never been more grateful for her decision to buy an extra long couch when she’d redesigned the lair. It was wide enough she could lay next to him and not feel like she was about to roll off. Although by the way he’d wrapped his arm around her and had her half pulled onto his chest she didn’t think it was a risk. 

 

She took a deep breath and smelled leather, and smoke, and soap and smiled when she felt him press a kiss to her head. When she woke up she’d probably properly freak out about everything that had happened and that, she had, indeed, kissed Oliver twice. And that it seemed like things had changed dramatically between them, even if she wasn’t quite sure what that meant. But for now she was content to let her eyes slip shut as she lay against him while his hand dragged through her hair. 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Here we go. This fic was rated M for a reason.**

 

**Enjoy, and let me know what you think.**

 

 

For the first time in days she slept peacefully, but Oliver did not. She woke up to his head moving, muttering things she couldn’t understand and every muscle tensed. The hand on her hip gripped it almost painfully and she tried to ease his fingers off but he only held on tighter. 

 

With a sigh she raised herself up and looked at his face twisted in agony. Not knowing what to do, and worried she could do the wrong thing she hesitated, until he yelled her name. It was torn from his throat, raw and full of terror. 

 

In an instant she was leaning over him, as she captured his face in her hands. “I’m right here! Oliver! I’m okay!” she pleaded desperately, hoping he could hear her. 

 

His eyes flew open, wild and half crazed and all the air left her lungs as she suddenly found herself on the opposite end of the couch with him looming above her. 

 

Her wrists were pinned against the arm of the couch, over her head and she had to bite her lip not to cry out. “Oliver! It’s me!” she told him, and watched as the storm behind his eyes slowly faded. 

 

He blinked twice and then scrambled backwards to sit with his head in his hands, chest heaving. “I told you to leave me.” he ground out.

 

She sat up and slid down the couch until she was pressed against his side. “And I told you I wasn’t leaving.” she said, weaving an arm through his, forcing his hands down so he couldn’t hide. 

 

She waited until his breathing had calmed some before she spoke.

 

“I’m here for all of it. Good, bad, ugly. Hacking of federal databases, corporate espionage, burger delivery girl, and repairer of broken billionaires” she reminded him, with a sad smile. 

 

“I’m sorry.” he said quietly

 

“You had a bad dream. You, of all people, are allowed to have bad dreams. Don’t apologize.” he didn’t answer, but she felt him relax some next to her. 

 

Her dirty and stained hands caught her attention as she looked down and she realized she was in the same sooty and smoke filled clothes she’d been in since the explosion. 

 

She gave his arm a squeeze and stood. “I’m going to get a shower.” she said, “You should change.” she suggested gently and he looked down in surprise, as if just then noticing he was still dressed as Green Arrow. 

 

It wasn’t until she stroked a hand down the side of his face that he slid his eyes up to hers. She leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to his temple before she pulled back and made her way through the training room and entered the bathroom. 

 

She turned the water on and began to strip off her ruined clothes, the last bit of the life she had that belonged to her and she had to throw them in the trash. The smell of smoke would never come out. 

 

The mirror taunted her but she refused to look, certain she wouldn’t care to see what was reflected back at her just then. There was a small bit of gauze and tape on the inside of her left arm and she peeled it off in confusion. The small puncture and slight bruising looked like it had come from an I.V port and she wondered how bad off she’d been when they got her back. That would certainly help explain Oliver’s reaction. 

 

Stiffly she stepped into the shower and just stood there. Her mind was blissfully blank until she’d been under the water for a good ten minutes. Then the tears came. She’d lost everything. And even though it was just stuff, it was her stuff, and her life, and it hurt. She’d lost Oliver, and gotten him back, and then thought she had lost him again. She didn’t know how much more she could take. 

 

The only good thing to come from any of this was that, somehow, Oliver seemed to return her feelings. Not that she was completely sure, and there was a nagging doubt in the back of her mind that this was a knee jerk reaction by him in response to how horrible everything had been. In two weeks or two months would he still feel this way? 

 

That was the thought that plagued her while she washed her hair and the water and soap found every scrape and burn she’d received before Bruce had gotten her out of her apartment. 

 

She hadn’t realized she’d had any other injuries other than her head. There were small cuts all along her left arm and neck and a few on her side where her shirt must have not covered. Her back had stung fiercely when she’d first stepped under the water. From what she could feel she may have a larger cut, but it was impossible to tell. 

 

It wasn’t until she had exited the shower that the real shock of having her apartment blown up and losing everything she owned actually settled with her. She had nothing to wear. No clothes. No shoes. Not even a pair of socks. 

 

A numb feeling found a home in her chest and she methodically dried herself off, stopping to look in the mirror to see her back. The one cut she’d felt did look deep, but she couldn’t get a good look at it. 

 

She replaced the bandage on her head, glad to see the wound there had only needed two small butterfly closures. She had been worried she needed stitches. The one on her back however, she couldn’t reach. 

 

With a sigh she secured the towel around her and walked out into the training room. 

 

Oliver had changed into the pants he usually wore when working out. A slight sheen of sweat shone on his back as he focused on hitting the training dummy with the wooden sticks he was so fond of. She only hoped he’d been able to expel some of the pent up energy he’d been holding on to for hours. 

 

She paused at the edge of the mat and waited for him to finish a set. There was no telling where he was mentally just then and she didn’t want to startle him. 

 

When he threw the stick down in frustration and stalked to where his towel lay she was glad she hadn’t interrupted. Her mouth went dry as she watched him wipe his face and chest, and for the first time in days her predominant emotion wasn’t fear, or grief, or panic, it was desire. 

 

She may have made a noise, or maybe he just saw her out the corner of his eye, she’d never know. But she watched him pause and the towel drop from his hands and then he was in front of her. His eyes cut over her, taking in her wet hair, and her lack of clothing and her stomach flipped at the almost possessive look he gave her. 

 

With a shaking hand she held out the bandaid. “Uh...there’s a cut.” she began and had to swallow and start again, he was only inches away and the intensity of his gaze was overwhelming. “There’s a cut...on my back, I couldn’t...” she trailed off as his hand landed on her bare shoulder and turned her. Electricity skittered over her skin at his touch. 

 

His hand came up to pull damp hair out of the way and draped it over one shoulder. She couldn’t suppress the shiver she felt as his fingertips skimmed her back and she thought she heard his breath catch. 

 

He reached over her shoulder and took the bandage from her. Smoothing the edges onto her skin shouldn’t have felt erotic, but it did. She was frozen in place, her back to him, head tipped forward. She felt like every heart beat was so loud he had to be able to hear it, and when he wrapped one arm around her waist and pulled her back so she was flush against him she couldn’t stop the whimper that emerged from her lips as they touched. 

 

His other hand started at her shoulder and trailed slowly across her back to her neck. She shuddered at his touchvand her throat caught in anticipation. 

 

Breath coasted over her ear as he lowered his head. The hot exhales had her tense and practically quivering as she waited for him to do something; anything. Her world had collapsed to Oliver and his touch and how much she needed him. 

 

His head dipped further until she could feel the barest brush of his lips along the side of her throat. It tipped back, as if of it’s own accord to give him better access. The arm around her waist was like iron and when she laid her hand on top she could feel how taut the muscles were. 

 

“Feli...” he began, his voice strained, as if he was only barely capable of holding himself back.

 

“Yes,” she breathed out, granting him permission before he could even finish her name. 

 

It was all he needed. 

 

The millimeters that separated his mouth from her skin were gone. His lips fell upon her, nothing but teeth and tongue and all she could do was let out a groan and sink back into him. 

 

His teeth scraped over the pale column of flesh and she felt it straight in her core. He sucked and laved a trail of fire to her shoulder and back again, continuing across her jaw. She turned her head and his mouth captured hers. A moan of pleasure came from her as his tongue swept past her lips. 

 

Her hand left his arm and came up to thread through the back of his hair, pulling on the short strands and scraping her nails over his scalp. She felt and heard the rumble that emerged from his chest. A shot of pleasure went through her at the knowledge that she’d caused that response from him. 

 

She spun in his embrace, completely forgetting about the towel she wore, it loosened around her, and when his broad hand covered her back she molded herself to him. 

 

Hands were everywhere; down her neck, over her arm, squeezing her hip through the thin fabric where she was still covered. She pulled back, gasping, but he didn’t stop. He placed a line of kisses all the way to her collar bone where he gave it the same treatment as her neck. When he sucked on one particular spot she rose on her toes and gasped his name. 

 

Her hands fell off his shoulders and stroked over his back. She felt the ridges of old scars covering his shoulder blade and ran her hand down across his lower back, feeling the marred skin there. He tensed and pulled back, looking at her with hooded eyes. 

 

She ran her other hand over his chest, making sure to touch every single scar, never breaking his gaze. She saved the one from his mother’s bullet for last. For that one she lifted up, feeling the towel drop away, and pressed a kiss to the scar that had brought her into his world. As cool air washed over her she didn’t even consider that she was now naked before him. She wanted this. She wanted him, badly. 

 

He let out a great exhale, and surrounded her. His hands landed on her bare waist and lifted her up. With a gasp and then a moan her legs wrapped around him as she settled there, pressure right where she needed it. 

 

One hand drifted low to run over her hip and then her ass, squeezing the flesh there and making her groan into his mouth. She was kissing him again and discovering that if she bit his bottom lip it made his hands clench. She did it a third time and felt a hand slip between them as he cupped her breast. 

 

She arched into his touch. When he rolled the nipple between his fingers she mewled, her mouth falling off of his as her head landed on his shoulder. She panted into his neck as sharp jolts of electricity made their way straight to her center. 

 

He switched between pinching the hard nub and trailing calloused fingertips over the rest of her breast which meant she was either twitching or shivering in response. It all contributed to the continuing build up that was rising inside her. When her pelvis gave a particularly sharp jerk she saw him grin proudly. 

 

She wrapped her arms more securely around his neck, and, knowing he would never drop her, swung her hips out and then back down, dropping against him as she rolled into him slowly. The way his eyes slammed shut and his hands stilled were her own reward. When he opened them she was biting her lip and giving him a smug smile. 

 

He must have seen that as a challenge. It was the only explanation for how she suddenly found herself on the dark blue training mat with him hovering above her. She let out a surprised gasp as the cool mat hit her overheated skin. Her legs were still around his waist and she couldn’t resist lifting her hips to press into him. 

 

She watched his eyes darken even more before he growled low in his chest, and lowered himself down until there wasn’t even air between them. His weight was welcome, and a secret thrill went through her when she tried to move and couldn’t. 

 

She’d always known he was a large man; she’d definitely enjoyed admiring his impressive physique more than once. But right then, with him towering over her even though they were so close, she finally understood exactly how large he was. And damn if it didn’t turn her on. 

 

He braced a forearm on the floor above her shoulder and brushed loose hair out of her face. His fingers traced her cheekbone with something akin to reverence and tears suddenly pricked her eyes at his tenderness. 

 

She mirrored his actions as she ran her hand over his stubble.He turned into her hand like a big cat and she couldn’t help the mental image that inspired. She turned sparkling eyes on him and gasped. Never had he been that open before. If she’d had any doubts about how he felt about her they fell away in that moment. 

 

The pad of her thumb crossed his bottom lip and he captured it, his tongue stroking against the skin. It was like there was a direct line between the digit and her core. Her hips raised automatically, seeking relief. 

 

His mouth was on hers again, kissing her slow and deep. She felt him pull back slightly, but only so his hand could once again begin it’s journey over her skin. In an instant she was twitching and jerking to his touch, unable to keep still as he mapped her flesh. 

 

His fingers trailed over the rise of her breast, purposely avoiding the nipple and she groaned her disappointment. But when he continued over the sensitive skin of her abdomen she cut it off and bit her lip in anticipation. He swirled random designs on her, and learned quickly that her hip bone was especially reactive. All she could do was throw her head back and try to keep as still as possible. 

 

She let one of her legs drop from his waist as she dragged a heel down his leg until it dropped to the floor. He took advantage of the way the skin stretched over that hip now, and shocked her when he suddenly pushed himself down and ran his lips and teeth over the spot. 

 

The bow of her back pushed her further into his face and she could feel his chin just brushing over the area she wanted him at the most. Her thoughts were a swirl of nothing but desire, and need, and want and all she could concentrate on was if he didn’t touch her soon she was going to explode. 

 

Her limbs were starting to go tingly and she was aware enough to hear how ragged her breath was. When he did it again and added his tongue as well she couldn’t keep the keening wail she emitted to herself. 

 

One of her hands landed on his shoulder, nails digging into the muscle there that she could feel shift and ripple deliciously beneath her. Her other hand had a handful of her own hair because there was nothing else to hold on to. 

 

His lips now followed a similar pattern to his fingers. He pressed wet, opened mouthed kisses across her stomach, over her ribs, and made his way back north until he sucked one stiff peak into his mouth. 

 

She sighed at the contact, and pushed into him. Low moans came from her throat as her hand fell down his chest. She raked her nails lightly and felt him surge over her when she caught his nipple on a downstroke. She did it again for the same result. 

 

A hand settled on her hip when she bucked harshly. He held her down with slight pressure as his thumb ran in ever increasing circles, slowly getting closer to her center. 

 

Her fingers followed a ridge of muscle along his side, until she encountered the bandage he still wore. Gently she ran over the edge of the tape, and hoped she hadn’t hurt him earlier. His hand clasped hers and gave it a squeeze, letting her know he was fine. The breath caught in her throat when he placed her hand at the waistband of his pants. 

 

She could take a hint. 

 

Her other hand came to help and with only slightly fumbling fingers she got his belt undone and the button open. She slowly pulled the zipper down, and felt how his hands grew tighter when she did. 

 

She pushed the material as far off his hips as she could, not missing the opportunity to run her hands over his tightly fitted boxer briefs. He pulled away long enough to get rid of the offending pants and when he turned back to her he gave her a look that made her squirm. 

 

When he licked a path around her navel she knew why. 

 

Ever so slowly he began to make his way south. His hands swept across her hips and down her thighs, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. When he reached her knees he pushed them upwards back towards her hips, making her completely exposed. 

 

She was sure she’d stopped breathing. Her heart thundered wildly in her chest as he continued on his journey. His hands slid down until they were right where she wanted them. 

 

He ran one finger up the center of her slit and she convulsed. The mere thought of what he was about to do was almost more than she could handle. 

 

His thumbs massaged small circles inwards and all she could do was lay frozen, her breath coming out in small gasps. When his mouth and thumbs reached their destination at the same time he gave her no respite. Immediately he spread her open and dove in.

 

Her back arched at the sensation. His fingers and tongue worked in tandem to pull every last ounce of pleasure from her. When he slipped a finger inside her she keened again. 

 

The hot liquid build up low in her belly grew quickly. She looked down her body with half closed eyes and saw his head between her legs. It was the sexiest damn thing she’d ever seen. 

 

When his hands slipped under her ass to lift her up she thought she was done for. All she could do was gasp and moan as his tongue swirled around her clit. He sucked it between his lips and her orgasm ripped through her with no warning. 

 

He had his chin propped on his hand, drawing lazy circles on her stomach when she could open her eyes again. The smug, proud grin on his face made her blush. 

 

She sat up quickly and pushed him to his back, knowing he had let her, but not caring when she settled atop him, and from the way his eyes slid shut at the contact he didn’t care either. 

 

It was her turn now. She’d been so overwhelmed by him she had barely been able to do anything other than lay still and feel. But now she had him under her and she knew exactly what she wanted to do with him. It must have shown on her face because his eyes widened and she gave him a grin of her own before she leaned forward. 

 

She kissed him slowly and deeply, tasting herself on his lips and liking it. His tongue tangled with hers as she ran her hands over his chest. She left his mouth and made her way across his jaw and then down his neck. 

 

There had been numerous times in the past where she’d zoned out when he was talking because all she’d been able to focus on was his neck and the fantasy of what it would be like to run her tongue along one of the corded muscles before she sunk her teeth in. 

 

It was exactly as she’d imagined. 

 

His fingers dug into her hips as she sucked the flesh between her lips. A groan escaped him and the flesh pulled away with a soft ‘pop’ as she moved to his shoulder and then further down to his chest. 

 

When her palms covered the side of his ribs he shifted sideways and she stilled her hands, pulling back to look down. Bruises were beginning to form from the fight earlier. She pressed light kisses to the flesh, feeling the way he rippled beneath. 

 

He’d done it all to save her, and as much as it had hurt and as horrible as it had been, his motivations had to mean something. 

 

Her fingers left his side and paved the way for the rest of her exploration, her mouth following. When she reached his waist she slipped beneath the elastic of his underwear and tugged. A second later he lifted her with one hand while he divested himself of them. They both groaned when he let her back down. 

 

She could feel him, hot and hard, and she had every intention of doing to him what he had just done to her. 

 

His hands roamed over her back, pulling her hair away from her face, and leaving fissures of heat wherever he touched. 

 

She made sure he was watching her when she reached down and took hold of him. Her stomach flipped as she watched the pleasure roll across his face and the control he fought for. She stroked him slowly until his hands landed on her hips and tightened. 

 

Her lips found his neck again and skimmed downwards. She followed the well defined line of his pec around with her tongue and then worked her way in until she could flick it across his hard nipple. 

 

She felt him pulse in her hand and cut her eyes up to look at him. His head was thrown back, muscles straining and she could feel how much control he was exerting to not grab her and flip her over right then. The power she felt was almost intoxicating. 

 

Her tongue struck again and then she pulled the small nub between her teeth, biting down lightly. He gasped at the contact, his hips bucking slightly. 

 

She continued to stroke him slowly as she made her way down. She got lost for a bit when she reached his abs, unable to resist actually being allowed to trace each dip and plane with her mouth. They twitched beneath her ministrations and his breath grew more ragged the closer she got. 

 

When she reached her destination she scooted her hips out of his reach and sat up slightly. She thought she heard him groan her name as she leaned over and licked the long line of his cock from base to tip. One of his hands found her head and she stilled as he wrapped his fingers in the strands, but he didn’t push. 

 

The next lick she took her time and circled the top before she slid her mouth over him. The hand in her hair tightened, but it wasn’t painful. She swirled her tongue in circles, some fast, some slow and listened as he made noises she’d never heard before. 

 

When she suddenly changed tactics and sucked hard, hollowing out her cheeks he half lifted up, abs tensing. Her name came from between clenched teeth and he took her by the arms, pulling her up and off of him. His eyes were gone. She’d managed to push him past the brink, and it made her heart race. 

 

She planted her hands on his chest and lowered herself slowly. His body shook with the effort it took not to thrust upwards, and her mouth dropped open in a silent moan as he slid into her slick folds and filled her. 

 

Her nails dug into his pecs when he was all the way in and when she felt like she could breathe again she began to move. She rolled her hips in a low, controlled move and saw by the clench of his jaw and the gasps he couldn’t hide, that Oliver was about to break. She kept her pace even, allowing the loose coil in her belly to tighten ever so slowly. 

 

It was her hand slipping that caused him to lose the tight hold he had. Her nails cut over his nipple and he surged under her, flipping them so quickly she was left breathless. His eyes bored into hers as he loomed above. One of his hands encircled her ankle and lifted it over his shoulder. 

 

His other hand wrapped underneath her hips and tilted her towards him. That was all it took. Her arms fell limp by her sides as he thrust hard into her. She felt her orgasm start again, this time low and heavy, and by the time it was done building she couldn’t feel her toes. The next thrust put her over the edge and he followed. 

 

He gave a hoarse cry and fell forward, his mouth placing hot kisses against her neck. She rocked into him a few more times and then lay still, panting and exhausted. One of her legs was still draped across his back, her hands resting along his shoulders, stroking softly. 

 

When he pulled out of her and rolled to his side she let out a little moan. His arm wrapped around her back and brought her with him. She lay with her head over her heart, listening to the frantic thumps gradually slow as he smoothed tangles out of her hair. 

 

“Wow.” she breathed out, it was the only word her befuddled brain was capable of producing. 

 

He let out a snort of laughter that made his entire chest shake. She looked up in disbelief to see him smiling down at her. Actually smiling. 

 

She could count on one hand the amount of times she’d been gifted with that smile, and it had never been that big before. 

 

“Hi,” she said, almost shyly, the reality of what they’d just done starting to settle within her. 

 

“Hi,” he replied, fingers coasting over what she knew were pink cheeks. 

 

A yawn took her by surprise and she turned into him to hide it. Her lack of sleep, the stress she’d been under, and their recent activities had exhausted whatever reserves she’d had. As he gently massaged her head she felt her eyes slipping shut. 

 

“You can’t fall asleep yet.” he said softly, beginning to sit up. She gave a groan of disapproval. “Digg would kill us if he found us here.” 

 

With that she almost sat straight up. “Oh my god, where is he?” she said frantically, making a desperate grab for the towel she had been wearing. “I don’t have anything to wear. I don’t have anything at all. No clothes, no things, everything is...gone.” that feeling she’d had earlier was making itself known again and she didn’t want it to, she didn’t want anything to ruin what they’d just shared. 

 

He sat up behind her, his arms embracing her. “Hey, we’ll figure it out. Anything you need I’ll replace. I know it’s not the same but...” she could hear the guilt in his voice and she leaned back into him, wanting him to know she didn’t blame him. And she didn’t want to think about that right then anyways.

 

“I think we have more pressing matters.” she said with a sigh, and then failed at suppressing a giggle as he actually pressed into her. “That’s not exactly what I meant.” her head dropped back and he kissed her with a smile. 

 

“Well, what did you mean then, because, this...was a very good idea.” his fingers ran lightly along her arm making her shiver. 

 

“I’m glad you think so.” she had wanted to sound light and carefree, but her words came out with more weight than she intended. 

 

Her turned her some so he could see her face, the hand along her jaw making sure she couldn’t look away. “I do. Felicity...you have to know,” he struggled to make her understand what he couldn’t say. But she remembered the look in his eyes earlier and her concerns melted away. 

 

She pressed a kiss into the palm of his hand, “I do.” she assured him. He pulled her in close and held her for a long moment. 

 

“We need to bring you back from the dead. I don’t supposed you had a grand plan for that, did you?” she asked sardonically as he pulled away and gathered his pants, skimming into them before he extended his hand and helped her to her feet. 

 

She wrapped the towel around her, although she wasn’t exactly sure why. He’d seen everything. 

 

He lifted an eyebrow at her action and she dropped her eyes to his now covered lower half in a silent ‘really?’. That earned her a small shake of his head as he crossed to the lockers in the corner and pulled out a button up shirt he kept there just in case. 

 

“Here, until we can get you something else.” he said as he handed her the garment. 

 

He snagged the towel out of her grasp and ignored her weak protests. She slipped her arms in the sleeves and gave out a little squeak of surprise when he hauled her towards him before she could even begin to do up the buttons. 

 

His hands roamed beneath the fabric, making her shiver all over again. She trailed her fingers over the ridges of his abs and gave him a lazy smile, “You’re going to kill me, aren’t you.” 

 

Suddenly he went still, his hands frozen against her waist. She looked up to see a hard mask drop over his face. “I’m sorry.” she said automatically, regretting her word choice. 

 

She watched as he shook off whatever horrible thought had gone through his head, blinking a few times before he could look at her. He pulled her tight and held her so close she almost couldn’t breathe. “You scared the hell out of me.” he rasped, “And I know that’s nothing compared to what I put you through, but I can’t seem to get the sound of that explosion out of my mind.” 

 

She knew there was nothing she could say to ease his fears so she just let him hold her as long as he needed to. 

 

The faint chime of the door to the lair being accessed went off and she jumped a foot. Panic shot through her as she wrenched herself backwards and began to frantically do up the buttons on the shirt. “Oh god, it’s Digg!” she gasped, “Oh my god! Oliver I don’t have any underwear, and I’m wearing your shirt! He’s going to know _exactly_ what just happened.” She ran nervous hands over her hair, trying to comb out the worst of the snarls, but knowing it was no use. 

 

Oliver just laughed. “Relax, he’s not going to say anything.” 

 

She tilted her head to the side and gave him a look, “Are you kidding me? No, he might not say anything, but I will get the ‘disappointed big brother’ face, and you will probably have your kneecaps threatened.” she hissed in a whisper. She took two steps away and looked between the bathroom door and the main entrance to the training area. 

 

A thought struck her and she turned to Oliver, hands gesturing before she even spoke. “My gym bag! Go! It’s under my desk, there’s a pair of shorts and maybe some shoes, and my spare glasses, and--” she cut herself off as she realized she was rambling. The door began to slide open and she made a shooing gesture once again before she darted for the bathroom. 

 

She could hear Digg’s deep voice before she even had the door shut, and wondered if he’d seen her. Her back rested against the solid wood as she took slow deep breaths to calm her pounding heart. 

 

A glance in the mirror however, let her know that her state of dress was not going to be the only clue that things had changed between her and Oliver. Her hair had half dried in a mess of curls, her lips were swollen, and her neck showed signs of where his stubble had rasped over the soft flesh. Tentatively she reached up and pulled away the collar of his dress shirt to see the unmistakeable signs of a hickey. In fact, there was more than one. 

 

There was a sharp rap on the door and she jumped. She turned the knob quickly to see a slightly chagrined Oliver looking back at her, bag in hand. 

 

She looked at him almost shyly and held her hand out but he slipped through the door instead, grin widening at her shocked expression.

 

“Oliver!” she scolded, but it quickly fell off her lips as he pressed her into the door, the bag, and her embarrassment of being caught forgotten. 

 

His hands dropped to the outside of her thighs where the hem of the shirt ended and slowly made their way up. His eyes once again dark with desire. 

 

There was a playful smile on his face as he dipped his head and placed small, but incredibly hot kisses down her neck. She’d never seen him like this before and it made her heart swell to see him let go of some of the control and guilt he’d let run his life. 

 

It also made her want to find the nearest horizontal surface and have a repeat performance of what they’d just done. 

 

When he lazily licked over her collar bone and wrapped a hand behind her knee, dragging it slowly up over his hip she let her head fall back and realize a vertical surface would do just as nicely. 

 

“Oliver,” she gasped, lowering her eyes to see him give her a predatory grin that made flames lick through her belly. Her hips pressed into him of their own accord and the grin got wider. 

 

“Felicity,” he countered and she melted at the way he’d said her name. “I can’t seem to get enough of you.” he growled low as the first button was undone. 

 

She moaned as his lips covered every inch of flesh that was revealed until the shirt hung open and he was on his knees before her. 

 

After what they’d just done she didn’t think she’d feel like this so soon, but the heat that was rising within her seemed to disagree. 

 

He kissed across her belly, towards her hips and she actually felt him smile when she jerked forward at the contact. “You’re totally going to use that against me forever, aren’t you?” she asked breathlessly, not even realizing what she’d implied.

 

He stilled, the look on his face was complete wonderment. She didn’t think, she just reached down and cupped his jaw in her hands and coaxed him upwards. When she could reach his mouth she kissed him, pouring everything she could into it. 

 

“If you’ll have me.” he said, the vulnerability stark as he rested his forehead against hers. 

 

“Yeah,” she said slowly, thumbs tracing over his face, “I think I’d be okay with that.” 

 

His expression turned to joy, “Good,” he replied and captured her mouth with his. The kiss began sweetly and quickly turned into something more. The little noises coming from the back of her throat only seemed to spur him on. 

 

When his hands fell to his pants she helped, undoing the button while he was already pushing the fabric down his hips. 

 

He was everywhere now, over her breasts, down her thighs, a hand in her hair, around her waist as her back bowed away from the door. 

 

“God, how is this so good?” she gasped aloud, 

 

He gave a short chuckle into her neck, as he nipped, and sucked his way back to her mouth. “Because it’s right.” he said raggedly as he lined himself up at her entrance and slid into her wet heat. 

 

Her head fell back as a long moan was dragged from her. He gave her no time as his hips began thrusting into hers. Her hands scrabbled for his shoulders to find some purchase as she was pushed into the door. 

 

The one leg that had been wrapped around his hip stretched out and found the edge of the sink counter. Her toes found balance and she was suddenly able to push back. The changed angle of her hips made him slide in that much deeper, causing both of them to groan. 

 

She met him thrust for thrust, their tongues tangling together, until all she could do was let her head fall back, the delicious heat spiraling in her core. 

 

She knew he was close when he lost the rhythm, and the force of his thrusts increased. His hand dropped between them, finding her clit, and two, short strokes later all she could do was wail his name as she came. 

 

He continued to push into her until his hands tightened on her and his head fell to her shoulder. He let out a stifled grunt and collapsed against her, pinning her between him and the door. 

 

Her fingers stroked over his head, and across his back which was damp with sweat. He pulled back just far enough to see her and gave her that smile again. She gave him a soft kiss and lowered her leg to the floor with a groan as the muscles protested the position they’d been forced into. 

 

“Ow. I think I’m going to have to take up yoga again.” she said under her breath and then bit her lip as she felt Oliver’s chest rumble his approval beneath her. 

 

“I would be very okay with that.” he said throatily, “In fact, I’m sure we could do some...training together.” the implication of what he meant by training wasn’t lost on her. 

 

She let out a short laugh and slid a hand down his chest, “I think I’ll keep training with Digg. I have a feeling any sessions we had would just end in us christening the mats again.”

 

“Would that be so bad? I’ve had this image of you and the salmon ladder...” he trailed off purposely and the breath caught in her throat at the thought. 

 

“You’re not playing fair, Mr. Queen.” she managed to get out, her face flushed at the thought of what he had in mind. 

 

“It’s one of my many charms.” he countered, finally pulling back enough to separate them. 

 

She rolled her eyes and gave him a look, “Can we _please_ bring you back from the dead now, because I would really like to have sex with you in a bed at some point.” 

 

“That is a very motivating factor.” he agreed, hands reaching for her again but she stepped out of his way. 

 

“No.” she said, holding her hands up in front of her as she backed towards the shower. “I’m getting in there quick,” she reached in and turned on the water, “and you are going to put your pants back on and give me ten minutes. Okay?” 

 

“Now who’s not playing fair?” he grumbled as she slid the shirt the rest of the way off her shoulders and laid it over the edge of the sink. 

 

She gave him a sly smile as she stepped under the spray, careful to keep her hair out of the way. 

 

“Ten minutes.” she repeated. 

 

She heard him fumble with his clothes and just when she was expecting to hear him leave he jerked open the shower door. A shriek of surprise left her as she jumped and if he hadn’t caught her around the waist she would have ended up on the floor. 

 

“Oliver!” she screeched, but he ignored her and pulled her wet body towards him, his mouth slanting over hers in the most toe curling kiss she’d ever experienced. “If we didn’t make it to the bed, until after the shower I wouldn’t complain.” he whispered into her and then he was gone, leaving her breathless. 

 

She turned the shower handle closer to cold and tried to calm her pounding heart. But every time her thoughts strayed she was struck with an image of something she’d done to him, or he’d done to her and her heart would flip at the memory. 

 

The bag Oliver had brought her still sat on the floor and she looked at it with a sigh, it was literally all she owned in the world now. One pair of shoes, spandex running shorts, a black sports bra, an old pair of glasses and a half eaten protein bar. 

 

She decided to put on the bra and the shorts and slid the shirt she’d borrowed back on , doing up an extra button at the top in hopes to hide the faint bruising that was already starting to show along her neck. 

 

With her hair in a haphazard pony tail and the spare glasses in place she felt more like herself. 

 

She took a deep breath and opened the door with shaking hands, no idea what was about to greet her. 


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Final chapter! Hope I have redeemed myself for all the horrible feels in chapter one.  Thanks again to hopedreamlovepray and befitandchase for all their help.**

 

**Stay tuned for something special from hopedreamlovepray that involves this story. I think everyone will love it!**

 

**Enjoy, and let me know what you think!**

 

 

The training room was blessedly empty and by the time she’d crossed the space she felt more confident. 

 

Oliver and Digg were having a silent stare down as they stood across from each other drinking coffee. Nerves flared in her stomach as she approached. The one thing she hadn’t thought of was how this affected their team dynamic. 

 

Oliver couldn’t contain the slow smile that spread across his face when he saw her and she found herself blushing under his gaze. 

 

Digg didn’t say a word as he handed her a travel cup of her own. “Thanks,” she said quietly and took a sip. 

 

He gave her an appraising look, “You know, I realized the one thing you forgot about when you redid the lair.” she froze at his words. He sounded completely calm, but something told her to be worried. 

 

“What’s that?” she asked as unaffected as possible, forcing herself to take another sip, as if she didn’t think anything had happened. 

 

“You didn’t think to soundproof the bathroom.” 

 

She choked spectacularly on her drink. As she coughed and wheezed she saw Oliver give Digg a glare before he crossed to see if she was okay. 

 

Still sputtering she turned her red face to Digg, “I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.” she said immediately, and slapped a hand across Oliver’s now shirt clad chest when he bristled. An unbidden image of what he’d said about the salmon ladder crossed her mind and she clamped her eyes shut hard to push it away. “It won’t. It’s just I don’t have a home any more, and he’s still technically dead, and we didn’t mean for it to happen, it just did. I think it was one of those things, you know. Imminent death and all that, and--” she would have continued but Oliver’s hand fell over her mouth, cutting off her ramble. 

 

Her eyebrows lifted into her hair as Digg looked at her in part horror at what she’d just been spewing to him, his hands frozen in front of him as if he could have physically stopped her words from reaching him. 

 

“Stop. I don’t want to know. I just want to make sure that you know what you’re doing.” he directed at Felicity, “and that you know if you hurt her I will kill you.” his tone had dropped to its most menacing as he looked at Oliver. 

 

They both gave him a nod. 

 

“Then I’ll say it’s about damn time. I’ve been expecting this to happen since you tried to drag his heavy ass down the stairs by yourself.” he said with half a smirk. 

 

Oliver’s hand fell from her mouth and he shot Digg a look. Felicity gave the big man a sheepish smile and mouthed ‘thanks’ before she crossed to her desk. 

 

She cleared her throat and took a sip of her lukewarm coffee as she sat in her chair and swiveled it so she could see them. 

 

“Now, tell me exactly how you were going to pull this last part off.” 

 

Digg sat back and crossed his arms with a smug smile while Oliver rubbed a hand over the back of his neck and looked at her out the corner of his eye. 

 

“Oh my god! You didn’t have a plan, did you?” she exclaimed, 

 

“Digg knows a security guard at a private hospital. I was going to sneak in, pretend like I’d been in a coma...‘wake up’ and claim mistaken identity.” as he spoke his voice had trailed off like he was just then realizing how ridiculous it was. 

 

She just gaped at him open mouthed and looked between the two of them in disbelief. She pinched the bridge of her nose under her glasses and let out a long sigh. 

 

“How did you manage to fake it in the first place? The medical examiner’s office was not going to misidentify you of all people.” the words came out tight as she spoke, not even wanting to ask if there had been a body in that casket. 

 

Oliver once again pointed to Digg, “Knows a guy who switched some records, no questions asked. I slipped out a side door and a John Doe was given my spot.” 

 

“And that actually worked?” she asked incredulously. “No one checked things afterwards? There isn’t an active police investigation into the ‘murder’ of the city’s most prominent citizens?” she wasn’t going to say aloud that she’d avoided the news at all cost after what had happened. She truly had no idea what was happening. 

 

“Green Arrow made sure there was a deposit made at the police station of a man who fit the description of the perpetrator two nights after the incident.” Digg said with clipped military precision. 

 

“Of course he did.” she practically growled, “You two have certainly covered all of your bases, there was no room for error in this plan _at all_.” the sarcasm was joined by a look over the top of her glasses before she spun the chair back to her computers. 

 

She got the information on the private hospital from Digg and then demanded they give her some time to work. 

 

It took her no time to access the hospital’s internal database. Record keeping wasn’t exactly their strong suit. She was able to find several patients whose files had taken more than twenty four hours to be entered, some as long as thirty six hours. With a disgruntled sigh she realized this half-assed plan of theirs might work. 

 

A few more hours and she knew when shift change was, the quietest area of the hospital, and the nurses that would be the most susceptible to causing a mix up like the one she was planning on creating. It wasn’t Felicity’s fault people didn’t lock down their Facebook profiles, and the nurse who had been on the night shift all week appeared to be going through a very bad, very public breakup. 

 

She created a false file for Oliver, entering all the data that would be necessary to make it appear that he had been at the hospital for days listed under the wrong name. All she would have to do is log on later and make the file active. 

 

Mid-afternoon she pushed back from the desk yawning wide and realized she was alone. She could hear the faint sounds of grunts and the crack of wood on wood and headed for the training room. 

 

She leaned against the door frame and watched them spar. Her eyes kept dropping to the area of the mat where she and Oliver had sex earlier and her chest flushed at the memory. 

 

Digg finally looked up to see her and motioned to Oliver. 

 

After they’d cleaned up they followed her back into the main room. She leaned against the table as they waited for her to begin. 

 

“So, I’ve got it all worked out.” she started, suddenly nervous and a bit scared. Bringing Oliver back was the first step in things returning to normal, except she didn’t know what their new normal actually was. 

 

“Shift change is at ten. Your files are already in their system. You’ve been in a light coma, but no need for anything other than basic monitoring. Digg will...he’ll need to give you an injection right before you get in there. It’ll knock you out, but make your blood tests reflect the chemical levels of someone whose been in the state we’re trying to say you’ve been in.” she took a deep breath and tried to stop twisting her fingers together. Oliver gave her a tight lipped supportive smile, as if he was also thinking the same thing she was. 

 

“You’ll wake up in the morning and be ‘discovered’ by, what appears to be, the most incompetent nursing staff in all of Starling City.” she felt a flare of guilt at setting up the staff at the hospital. “I expect by noon you’ll have half of SCPD with you. You can play the litigation card to get out early or keep from being transferred to another hospital. No one is going to fight Oliver Queen after such an epic mistake. Then it’s back to the mansion and...well...I’m sure you’ll need some time to see Thea...”she trailed off, because she was just realizing her plan, as air tight as it could be with something so risky, meant she’d be separated from him for at least two days. The old knot in her stomach grew as she tried not to show how upset she was at the thought. 

 

Digg asked her a few questions about the layout of the hospital and specifics about the drug. She was happy for the distraction as she pulled up the blueprints. Oliver was silent until Digg left to track down the drug they needed. 

 

“And what about you?” he asked, coming up behind her and turning her chair so she was facing him. 

 

“What about me?” she asked with false brightness,

 

“Felicity,” he said warningly and she couldn’t help how her shoulders slumped forward. 

 

“Where does this leave you? You don’t have any where to go. This is going to take...some time to resolve.” he crouched in front of her and looked at her beseechingly, “You’ve been through too much already.” 

 

She gave him a sad smile and cupped the side of his jaw. “Except this time I know how the story ends. I’ll be fine. I’m sure I’ll have to deal with my apartment, insurance and all of that.” she said with a shrug,

 

“You shouldn’t have to do that alone.” his eyes narrowed with guilt,

 

“Thank you, but I can handle it.” she assured him.

 

“Where are you going to stay?” he seemed determined to poke a hole in her plan and she found it endearing. 

 

“Here, I guess. Or a hotel if you don’t want me to...” she hadn’t even given a thought to what she would do or where she would go. There wouldn’t be any need to monitor him after he ‘woke up’. But she knew she’d stay. She wouldn’t leave when there was a chance he might need her.

 

He rose to his knees and slipped his hands around her hips, pulling her forward until she was sitting on the edge of the chair, her legs opened wide around him. “What I want is to take you home with me, throw you in my bed, and never let you leave.” he said huskily and her breath caught as she watched his pupils get bigger. 

 

She stroked a hand down the side of his face as she looked down on him, “That sounds amazing, but I don’t think your sister would approve.” 

 

His eyes shuttered, the desire falling away in an instant as he considered how hard this had been on Thea as well. He shook his head slowly, “I don’t know how she forgives me.” 

 

“She’ll just be grateful you’re back.” she said soothingly, 

 

He turned his head away for a second, clearly not wanting to dwell on what he was going to have to go through with Thea. “And what about after? What are you going to do then?” there was a leading edge to his tone that made her narrow her eyes at him. He couldn’t actually be suggesting she move in with him, could he?

 

They hadn’t exactly done things by the book. They’d never been on a date, but they’d already had sex twice. 

 

Her stomach flipped at the memory and she shook her head slightly to rid herself of it. “I’ll figure it out later. Let’s just get you back first, okay?” she hoped he wouldn’t push. Talking about something that huge did not seem like the best idea at the time. 

 

He studied her for a moment and then nodded. “Okay, but anything I can do for you I will do.” 

 

She gave him a soft smile and leaned forward to brush her lips against his. 

 

Time seemed to slip away from her after that. Soon enough, Digg was back with the drug, and a set of scrubs the hospital used, and a wrist band matching Oliver’s fake name and file number. He also brought along a bag of donated clothes from Carly and a new phone and tablet for Felicity. She hadn’t been able to suppress the hug she gave him, much to his surprise. 

 

Digg shot Oliver a side glance and then slid a cream colored envelope towards Felicity. She furrowed her brow in confusion. 

 

“It was on my windshield when I left Carly’s.” he said by way of explanation. 

 

She felt Oliver come to stand next to her as she picked it up. It was high quality stationary, thick and heavy under her fingers. Her initials were scrawled on the front, the ink lines made with swift broad strokes. 

 

When she turned it over there was a faint monogram embossed on the flap but she didn’t wait, she had a good idea who it was from. 

 

A folded piece of paper was inside and she couldn’t hide the gasp of surprise as she read it. 

 

A string of access code was followed by the words, “An apology for inconveniencing you-BW”. 

 

Bruce had given her his satellite. 

 

She waved the paper in front of Oliver excitedly until he had to grab her wrist to keep it still enough to read. 

 

The deep vee between his eyes appeared almost immediately followed by a glower directed at the note. He snatched it from her hand and tore it in half before she could blink. 

 

“Hey! Why would you do that?” she protested in shock.

 

“You’re not taking a satellite from another man.” he growled as he wrapped an arm about her waist and pulled her in close. “I’ll buy you a satellite. I’ll buy you ten satellites.” he was deadly serious and there was something almost feral to his tone. 

 

Warmth filled her belly and she gave him a grin, “I do believe you’re jealous, Mr. Queen.” 

 

“Of that flying rodent?” he scoffed, but his hand was spread possessively over her back, while the other was firmly latched to her hip, not allowing any space between them. 

 

She laughed lightly and pressed her lips to the underside of his jaw. There was a slight rumble in his throat from her response, which only made her laugh again. 

 

“I think it’s sweet.” she whispered in his ear before she stepped away. 

 

It was nine when Oliver stood before her, dressed in the scrubs, band on his wrist. Digg had on an orderly outfit and said he’d be waiting in the car, his comm link already activated. 

 

She’d told herself she’d make this easy on him. She wasn’t going to get upset. It was two days, she could make it two days without seeing him. She’d made it three thinking he was dead. 

 

That had been the wrong path to go down. She shut her eyes so tight she saw stars as memories and feelings of the last time they’d separated in the lair rushed over her. 

 

Oliver hadn’t said a word, he just stepped close and wrapped his arms around her, one had cupping the back of her head, the other resting against her lower back. 

 

“Sorry,” she whispered into his chest,

 

She felt him shake his head no and press a kiss into her hair. “I’m sorry.” 

 

His lungs expanded like he was about to speak but he didn’t, he just pulled back and  looked down at her with concern. 

 

“I’ll be fine.” she told him with false confidence, 

 

When his mouth fell on hers, his kiss left her breathless and panting. “I’m going to do that again the next time I see you.” he declared, sending a shiver down her spine.

 

“I’ll hold you to that.” she tried to force some levity in her voice, but the tears in her eyes prevented it. 

 

With a sigh he hugged her again, holding her tight as she tried to get a handle on her emotions. 

 

Finally she lifted on her toes and brushed one more kiss across his lips. “I’ll see you soon.” she said softly.

 

He didn’t say anything, but his eyes held hers for the longest time. 

 

“Go on.” she had to tell him before he stepped back from her and left. 

 

Felicity took a long shaky breath and walked slowly to her chair. It took several tries at clearing her throat before she slipped the ear piece in and turned it on to let Digg know she was there. 

 

While they drove to the hospital she logged back onto the system and activated Oliver’s file. She sat back with a sigh and gnawed her bottom lip; her part was done now. 

 

Her heart was in her throat as she listened to them arrive, although everything went off as planned. 

 

“See you tomorrow, man.” Digg said lightly as he administered the drug and she heard Oliver grunt in response. 

 

Ten minutes later there was a solid slam of a car door, “I’m out.” Digg told her, “Want me to head back?” 

 

She wrapped her arms around herself and looked around the empty lair, “No, you should go home. It’s been too long since you’ve had a night off.” she told him even though she didn’t want to be alone. 

 

He sighed heavily, “Felicity...” he began,

 

“I’ll be fine.” she said, forcing herself to sound more certain. 

 

“Okay,” he capitulated, “But you know you can call me. Anytime.” 

 

She couldn’t help the smile that crept across her face, “I know. Thanks.” 

 

There was a faint click and then silence. With a slightly shaking hand she took out the earpiece and leaned back. 

 

Where time had inexplicably sped up earlier, now it slowed to a crawl. There were computer related tasks to keep her occupied for a few hours. When she caught herself falling asleep in front of the monitors she reluctantly dragged herself to the couch. 

 

The cushions still smelled like Oliver, and as she wrapped the blanket around her she let her mind go blank as exhaustion took over. 

 

Her rest was short lived. She woke up tangled in the blanket, sweating and gasping although the dream slipped away before she could remember what it was, which she was grateful for. 

 

Knowing she wasn’t going to get back to sleep she wandered over to check the computers. The police scanner hadn’t gone crazy yet, so she knew Oliver was still knocked out. 

 

For the next several hours she paced, fiddled, organized, and generally attempted to keep herself busy. She spent at least an hour on the phone with her insurance agent when the office opened, getting that process started. When he asked if she was planning on moving into another apartment in the building she’d paused and told him she wasn’t sure. 

 

The nurse she’d set up had apparently been even more incompetent than she could have guessed. It was almost eleven before the scanner went haywire. She sat on the edge of her chair and waited a long thirty minutes before she got the call from Digg that he’d been contacted. 

 

By noon it was breaking news. Cameras and news vans were swarming the hospital. Digg sent her regular texts to let her know everything was going according to plan. 

 

The media was having a field day. Every ‘nine lives’ joke was used ad nauseum. The less reputable channels were speculating if it had been a set up so Oliver could go to rehab unnoticed. 

 

The footage of Thea being ushered into the building by her security detail was heartbreaking. 

 

By four Oliver was being released. Digg had told her he’d only had to threaten a lawsuit once before he was allowed to leave. Lance had been suspicious and pulled his hospital records, but they were in order and the nurse who had been in charge of his care was practically hysterical. 

 

She finally got a glimpse of him as he walked out the front door, fake smile plastered on his face and Thea under his arm. He waved once for the crowd and then Digg was escorting them to the car. Some of the anxiety she’d been holding on to began to dissipate. 

 

The next thirty-six hours were the longest of her life. She couldn’t include the days she’d spent thinking Oliver was dead because time had ceased to exist then, but being aware of what was happening and having to sit and watch the clock tick down, hour by hour until she was able to see him again was wearing on her. 

 

That night she fell into a fitful sleep. Her dreams were the worst yet. She dreamt that Oliver faking his death hadn’t been true, that everything she’d just lived the past couple of days was a dream itself. Her last image was kneeling before his grave.

 

She woke up screaming his name and not knowing what was real. In the empty lair, without any physical evidence that he was alive it took far too long to convince herself it had all been a horrible nightmare. 

 

It took her going to the bathroom to splash cold water on her face and seeing a fading bruise he’d left on her collarbone for her to finally accept she’d been dreaming. 

 

She tried to go back to sleep, but failed. Digg was supposed to call her later and let her know when they were on their way, but she suddenly couldn’t wait. She changed clothes quickly and grabbed the keys to one of the cars Digg always left on site. 

 

Before she knew what she was doing she was meeting the sunrise as she headed towards the Queen mansion. 

 

To keep her mind focused she went over what she was going to say when she got there. She was going to apologize for coming so early, but she just wanted to see Oliver quick and say how glad she was that he was back. That was it. Short. Simple. She just needed to see him for a minute and she’d be fine. 

 

Digg must have given her name to the guard at the gate because she was waved through without any incident. 

 

The house loomed above her as she got out of the car. Nerves struck her hard as she walked up the steps, her need to see Oliver growing ever greater until she felt like she was practically vibrating with it. 

 

Her knock was louder than she intended and she winced, hoping she wouldn’t wake everyone. 

 

It took two more knocks and then suddenly the door was opened. Walter stood before her, looking impeccable as always. 

 

“Felicity!” he exclaimed, “You’ve heard the good news. I’m sorry, I should have made sure you were informed.” he apologized.

 

“No! It’s okay, I understand...I just...” she trailed off, every word she’d planned on saying escaping her now that she was there. 

 

Walter motioned her in and she stood in the grand marble foyer unable to even look around because all she could focus on was her need to see Oliver. 

 

“Oliver’s still asleep I’m afraid. But you’re welcome to join me for breakfast.” Walter offered.

 

Her face fell before she could get control over it and she blushed when she knew he’d seen. She needed Oliver. She needed to touch him, and taste him, and feel his heart beating under her hand. Her dream and their separation coupled with her lack of sleep and still throbbing head was making her control paper thin. 

 

With her lips pressed into a thin line and not trusting her voice she gave Walter a small nod. He smiled and extended a hand for her to follow him further into the house. 

 

She’d only made it a few feet before there was a voice behind her. 

 

“Hey,” she heard Oliver say, and she whirled on the spot. 

 

He stood at the bottom of the stairs, wearing only pajama pants and a sleepy smile, the white bandage on his side stood out starkly against his tanned skin. 

 

All pretense and thought of hiding her true feelings from Walter flew out the window. She let out a gasping ‘Oh!’ and found herself almost running across the foyer towards him. 

 

He caught her easily as she launched herself at him. Her arms wrapped around his neck, and she buried her face into him, tears slipping down her cheeks. He held her tight, her toes just barely brushing the floor. 

 

“I missed you.” she whispered raggedly, shutting her eyes tight and breathing him in, the warm flesh under her hands everything she could have wished for. 

 

“I missed you too.” he replied his hold tightening. 

 

She pulled back and studied him for half a second before she kissed him, completely forgetting they weren’t the only ones in the room. 

 

He opened beneath her, tongue stroking hers and she couldn’t contain the low moan that made its way out of her. He released her with a gasp and with one small hitch had his hands under her ass and her legs around his waist. She dropped her head back to her neck and sighed happily.

 

He was halfway up the stairs before she knew they were moving. When she looked at him his eyes were dark and her heart flipped at the desire she saw there. “I told you I was going to do that again the next time I saw you.” he growled and that low heat she loved so much began to gather in her belly. 

 

She bit her lip and gave him a lascivious grin, “You also told me you wanted to put me in your bed and never let me go.” his hands flexed and the grin slid off her face with a gasp. 

 

A flash of movement caught her eye and she realized, with horror, that Walter had witnessed everything. He saw her looking and gave her a smile before he made his way out of the foyer. 

 

Felicity dropped her head to Oliver’s shoulder as he reached the top of the stairs, “Oh my god, Walter just saw all of that.” 

 

His chest rose up and down as he laughed, “I really could care less, besides, Walter likes you.” 

 

The hallway they were going down seemed to stretch forever, until finally Oliver entered one of the doors and kicked it shut behind him. 

 

She barely got a chance to look around before his mouth was on hers, one hand already trying to rid her of her shirt. 

 

“I can’t believe it actually worked.” she gasped out as he pulled back long enough to tug the shirt over her head, balancing her with one hand, and then growling appreciatively at her lack of anything underneath. 

 

He kissed her again before he replied, “It was the detailed hospital record that made it happen. As usual, you saved my ass.” He was following the line of her jaw and working his way to her ear. When his tongue and lips traced the shell and sucked gently on the lobe she went slack in his arms, barely capable of breathing. 

 

His knee hit the mattress and she felt him tipping her backwards until she landed on the softest sheets she’d ever felt. They were still warm from where he had so recently vacated the spot. “A bed?” she said with a lifted eyebrow. 

 

“Thought I’d try something new.” he said with a wink as he worked her pants off her hips, throwing them over his shoulder when they were free of her feet. 

 

“If I had known your bed was so comfortable I would have made my move ages ago.” she joked, biting her lip playfully and noticing how his eyes darkened just a bit at the action.

 

“Is that right?” he countered, “So you’re just using me for my thread count.” 

 

“Among other things.” she grinned evilly and hooked her toes in the sides of his pants, pushing them off his hips as far as she could. He gave her an appreciative look at her talent and shrugged out of them before sliding over her making her breath catch. 

 

He brushed forgotten tears off her cheek and smiled down at her. A moment stretched between them, and for the first time she let herself relax and realize it was all over. “We can do this, right?” he asked slowly, fingers tracing over her skin, leaving little spritzes of electricity wherever he touched. 

 

“Yeah, we can do this.” she assured him, skimming a hand over his bicep and across his shoulders until she couldn’t reach any further. 

 

“Good,” he whispered into her neck and she let her head fall to the side, granting him better access. 

 

He started off slow, his lips barely grazing her skin, making her writhe beneath him as he took his time. However, when he hit a particularly sensitive spot her hips jerked upwards of their own accord, putting her in direct contact with what she wanted the most. 

 

She cried out, head thrown back and she heard the strangled groan he emitted. 

 

“I need you,” she said heatedly, knowing she wouldn’t be able to last. It felt like it had been forever since they’d been together, and it was a visceral thing that grew within her, demanding the wait be over. 

 

Her words seemed to flip a switch. With a low rumble from his chest he was suddenly everywhere. 

 

Calloused fingers ran over her skin, making her jump and twitch erratically, unable to catch her breath because he never gave her a moment of reprieve. 

 

He didn’t need to discover her this time, he already knew exactly which spots were the ones that make her moan. He’d been a quick study. 

 

The scrape of his nails over her hip bone was almost her undoing. Her back bowed and her hand fisted in the sheets she’d so admired. She’d almost relaxed back down to the mattress when his mouth found her nipple and she was arching again. 

 

She wasn’t expecting it when his hand was suddenly between her legs. Her knees fell open wide automatically and when two fingers filled her without warning she was almost gone. 

 

His thumb stroked her clit in small maddening circles, matching the rhythm of his fingers going in and out. Teeth pulled gently on her nipple, sending shots of fire straight to where his attention was centered. 

 

She could feel the slow developing heat in her belly begin to grow and all she could do was gasp and make small noises in the back of her throat as he continued his assault. 

 

His tongue laved over her breast, only making everything else that much more heightened. Her nails dug into the muscles of his shoulders, unable to do anything else just then. 

 

Heat began to rise within her and she knew she was close, but she wanted him inside her. The angle of his hand changed and she felt her orgasm build, almost rendering her incapable of speech. 

 

With a desperate flail she managed to grab his wrist and halt his movement. His head rose from her chest and looked at her in confusion. 

 

“Need you.” she gasped out, and let out a whimper as his hand slowly slipped from her. He kissed his way up, across her collarbone, leaving little nips in his wake. When he reached her mouth she could feel him between them, just brushing her center. She couldn’t keep her hips from jerking up, making both of them shut their eyes at the contact. 

 

Ever so slowly he reached down and positioned himself at her entrance. Her hips were a quivering, trembling mess as she waited. He locked his eyes on her and pushed in. Her head flew back immediately, as his forehead dropped to her shoulder. He didn’t move for a long moment and then she felt his lips on her neck and he was thrusting. 

 

His hands fell to her hips and pulled her closer, tilting her and he was hitting all the right spots. 

 

Her eyes fluttered shut as waves of sensation washed over her. She grasped at him desperately, trying to find some sort of purchase, but he’d started moving harder. 

 

When his hands grabbed her hips and flipped them she was surprised. She braced her palms on his chest and widened her hips, pressing down until she had exactly the right amount of pressure. 

 

His eyes were half hooded, and the pupils blown so wide they were almost entirely black. Her fingers kneaded the flesh under her as she began to rock. She started off slow, just barely rolling her hips. He groaned heavily, his hands digging into her thighs as he tried to hold on to his control. 

 

Watching him lose control sent a surge of power and desire through her. Her pace quickened and she couldn’t suppress her own moan. The build up between her legs was growing and would be upon her soon. As her slick folds slid over him her clit ground down on his pelvic bone perfectly. 

 

Her legs were beginning to feel numb, and all she could concentrate on was the coil of heat she now couldn’t stop. Her hands slipped to his shoulders as she leaned forward slowly. The change in position was all she needed. Her thrust increased and the build up grew and then she was gone. 

 

She came with a shout, nails digging crescent shapes into his skin. His hips jerked twice more and a low drawn out grunt let her know he’d joined her. Her arms gave out and she collapsed on top of him, his arms wrapping around her back, stroking up and down her spine and over her hair. 

 

With a long sigh she raised up slightly until he slipped out of her with a groan and rolled to her side, heart thrumming out of her chest. 

 

He brushed loose hair from her face as she lay slumped next to him, trying to catch her breath. They were quiet for so long her eyes were starting to slide shut. She tried to keep them open, it was morning now, and even though the curtains were drawn the space was light enough to feel like she should be getting up. 

 

Oliver tugged her closer until she rolled towards him and draped an arm across his chest, finger lightly running across the rigid planes of his stomach. 

 

“You haven’t slept, have you?” he asked quietly,

 

“Not much,” she admitted, and tried to stifle the yawn that cracked her jaw wide. 

 

“Well, Oliver Queen is taking the day off, and so is Green Arrow, so I say it’s okay for you to do it too.” 

 

“Hmmm...” she drew out, pretending to ponder what he’d said, “If the boss is playing hooky I guess I can too.” 

 

He reached down with one arm and grabbed the duvet from where it had been shoved, covering them in one smooth pull. 

 

“It’s okay if I stay?” nerves had made themselves known out of nowhere. 

 

His arms tightened and he pressed a kiss into her hair, “It’s very okay.” 

 

Her smile was wide, “Good. I like it here, with you, in this bed, never leaving. A girl could get used to this.” 

 

“It’s yours if you want it.” his voice was suddenly serious and time seemed to freeze.

 

She lifted her head slowly so she could see him. There was a burning surety in his eyes that made her gasp. “Oh my god, you’re serious.” she blurted out,

 

“Oliver, do you know what you’re suggesting?” she asked in disbelief,

 

His hand came up to cup her jaw and his gaze never wavered, “I know exactly what I’m suggesting. This week has showed me why I’m no good without you. And, unfortunately it took something horrible to show me that, but if it’s the only good thing that came out of all of this I will be grateful. We’re together at work all day, and all night, all this does is ensure you have very good linens.”

 

She gulped, heart once again pounding as she studied him, she appreciated his attempt to lighten the topic, and in fact it went quite a ways to letting her know how certain he was. “I don’t know...that’s huge. It’s huge and...but I don’t have anywhere else to go...” she trailed off and covered her eyes with her hand as she realized what that sounded like. “I’m sorry. I don’t want you to think I’d only say yes because I had no other options. But maybe we could try it and see. I am very partial to these sheets.” she bit her lower lip and waited for him to respond, hoping she hadn’t hurt his feelings.

 

He laughed. A real, deep laugh and rolled over her enough that he could press a hard kiss to her lips. 

 

“The sheets are yours then, anytime you want them.” he spoke with such tenderness she had to swallow past the sudden lump that had appeared in her throat. 

 

He settled them back where they had been, pushing her head down to rest on his chest.  “Sleep,” he ordered and she took a deep stuttered breath to center herself. 

 

“I do love your sheets.” she said quietly. For some reason, even though she’d told him she’d loved him before, she couldn’t say it then. She didn’t want him to feel pressured, like she expected him to say it back. 

 

His hands skimmed over her hair, and down her back, “I love you on them.” he said throatily and everything froze. 

 

She resisted the urge to sit up again and instead pressed a kiss to the skin under her and settled in closer. 

 

As she drifted off she had a feeling she wouldn’t be taking another unit in that apartment building. 

 

 

 

 


End file.
